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“He who saves his Country does not violate any Law” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday, really doing away with whatever thin pretenses had still existed over these past weeks.

A shark clearly beyond sick and tired of these fucking tourists with their goddamned selfies in its natural habitat took its rage out on a 55 year-old Canadian in the shallows at a beach on Turks and Caicos last week, chomping off both her hands as she attempted to take a pic with it, NDTV reports.

In a statement, the Caribbean British territory’s government left out that specific detail and the woman’s nationality, writing, “On Friday 7th February a tourist was injured by a shark in the waters adjacent to Blue Hills, Providenciales. The individual was taken to Cheshire Hall Medical Centre where she was stabilized and later flown off island for further medical care. Upon confirmation of the incident the Department of Environment and Coastal Resources (DECR) issued a beach closure notification from Thompson’s Cove Beach to Froggies ATV, Blue Hills in an abundance of caution.”

“The beach was reopened on Sunday, February 9th at 1pm after it was determined that the shark had moved to deeper water. The shark was estimated to be approximately 6 ft in length, however the species is yet to be confirmed. Further to the investigation, it has been determined that the tourist had attempted to engage with the animal from the shallows in an attempt to take photographs. The DECR would like to urge the public to always be aware of your surroundings, follow local advisories, and respect marine life. Swim in designated areas, avoid murky waters, never swim alone, and do not attempt to feed marine wildlife under any circumstances.”

Definitely some intentional shade in that last part about not feeding marine wildlife.

“Earlier this week, I called on the New York City Law Department and Mayor Adams to pursue aggressive legal action against President Trump and his crony Elon Musk to recover the $80 million in FEMA funding seized from the City’s bank account. Given the gravity of the situation, we cannot afford to waste any more time. If the Mayor would prefer to spend his days advancing President Trump’s agenda instead of fighting for New Yorkers, then the Law Department must allow me to do so,” said New York City Comptroller Brad Lander in a statement on Friday. The Comptroller’s office is an elected post that acts independently of the mayorship, thus the Trump Regime’s new poodle Eric Adams cannot fire Lander for “going rogue” and attacking his abusive new masters.

“Today, I sent a letter urging the Law Department to immediately initiate legal action to secure the return of these funds from the federal government, and I am demanding that the Law Department confirm their intent to file suit, along with the anticipated filing date, by no later than 5 PM today. If the Law Department will not proceed with immediate and aggressive legal action, then for the sake of New Yorkers, they must authorize my Office to engage outside legal counsel to represent the City. To this, I expect the Law Department’s response by 10 AM on Tuesday, February 18.”

“Recovering these funds is imperative, and any action, or non-action, allowing the Trump administration to proceed without consequence would set a dangerous precedent and make our City a target for the next four years. It would be a dereliction of duty for me, as the City’s chief financial officer, to not stand up against this federal overreach—and I am now, and will continue, pursuing every option available to defend from President Trump, his henchmen, and anyone else working against the interests of New York City,” Lander continued in the statement.

“Hamas has just released three Hostages from GAZA, including an American Citizen. They seem to be in good shape! This differs from their statement last week that they would not release any Hostages. Israel will now have to decide what they will do about the 12:00 O’CLOCK, TODAY, DEADLINE imposed on the release of ALL HOSTAGES. The United States will back the decision they make!” wrote convicted felon President Trump in a Saturday morning post on his lame Twitter clone.

The post comes five days after the fat fuck responded to Hamas suspending the hostage releases by telling reporters “Well, I would say this, and I’m going to let that be because that’s Israel’s decision, but as far as I’m concerned, if all of the hostages aren’t returned by Saturday at 12 o’clock, I think it’s an appropriate time, I would say cancel it and all bets are off and let hell break out. I’d say they ought to be returned by 12 o’clock on Saturday. And if they’re not returned – all of them, not in dribs and drabs, not two and one and three and four and two, Saturday at 12 o’clock. And after that, I would say all hell is going to break out. And I don’t think they’re going to do it. I think a lot of them are dead. I think a lot of the hostages are dead,” emphasis added on the non-specifying in which time zone the deadline applied and the insistence that all of the remaining hostages be released.

It’s already mid-afternoon in Jerusalem, so he probably actually meant 12 PM Eastern in the United States. Either way it’s pretty on-brand how the orange pussy writes “Israel will now have to decide what they will do” about Hamas failing to meet the deadline Trump himself “imposed on the release of ALL HOSTAGES,” all but admitting outright that he’s not going to be ordering the US military to start bombing Gaza and that he was full of shit the whole time. Real tough guy, that Donald Trump.

It should be clear by now that Goodfellas is not a drama or even really a “biopic” but a black comedy about violent gangsters in New York City very loosely based on a memoir written by a lowlife. Can a movie where there’s a character who other Italian-Americans call “Frankie the Wop” because he’s more Italian than them be taken as seriously as The Godfather ? Or the scene where the guys are eating in the mom’s dining room snickering about how her painting of an old man looks like the dude half-dead in the trunk of the car? Or how Henry’s mother-in-law screams about how her husband hasn’t been able to digest a meal in five weeks? That was borderline antisemitic.

Scumbag Acting Deputy Attorney General Emil Bove on Friday finally found the schmucks who will make a blatantly corrupt move rather than resign and file for dismissal of the charges against dipshit New York City Mayor Eric Adams to hold him hostage. Still though, the DC-based DOJ officials who signed off on the motion made it clear to the judge that it was all Bove’s idea.

“In connection with that determination and directive, the Acting Deputy Attorney General also concluded that continuing these proceedings would interfere with the defendant’s ability to govern in New York City, which poses unacceptable threats to public safety, national security, and related federal immigration initiatives and policies. See, eg, Executive Order 14159, 90 Fed Reg 8443; Executive Order 14165, 90 Fed Reg 8467. The Acting Deputy Attorney General reached that conclusion after learning, among other things, that as a result of these proceedings, Adams has been denied access to sensitive information that the Acting Deputy Attorney General believes is necessary for Adams to govern and to help protect the City,” wrote sacrificial lambs Antoinette T Bacon, titled “Supervisory Official, Criminal Division” and Edward Sullivan, titled “Senior Litigation Counsel Public Integrity Section Criminal Division” at Main Justice in DC.

An autopsy report from the Alameda County, California Coroner’s office revealed that the driver of the Cybertruck in the deadly Thanksgiving weekend crash had a BAC of 0.195 percent and cocaine in his system when he got himself a two other 2023 graduates of Piedmont High School killed by wrapping the hideous geometric malformation around a tree at 3:08 AM, USA Today reports.

So yeah it was probably 19 year-old USC sophomore Soren Dixon’s fault when he got his friends Krysta Tsukahara and Jack Nelson, also 19, killed and incinerated along with him, not Elon Musk’s for cutting corners on safety features or faulty programming in the self-driving feature. Probably.

The MAGA octogenarian who in 2023 shot a Black Kansas City teenager in the head for the crime of approaching the wrong house pleaded guilty to second-degree assault on Friday, the AP reports.

Andrew Lester, 86, was scheduled to stand trial next week on charges of first-degree assault and armed criminal action in the shooting of the then-16 year-old honor student Ralph Yarl, who survived and is now a freshman at Texas A&M and a member of ROTC as well as the school’s marching band.

Lester was in a wheelchair for the plea hearing. He faces up to seven years in the joint next month, though obviously nobody should expect much if any real time for an immobile convict.

A violent eruption could take place in the vicinity of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s family soon as scientists with the US Geological Survey say it could be far worse than Todd blasting his ex-son-in-law with a shotgun shell full of rock salt. Per a Thursday USGS advisory, “unrest continues at Mount Spurr, with numerous small, shallow volcanic earthquakes detected beneath the volcano over the past day. Currently, the earthquakes are being located under the Crater Peak vent as well as under the summit of Mount Spurr. No unusual activity was observed in clear satellite and web camera views. A small steam plume from the summit vent was visible in ANCW web camera views.”

“AVO continues to monitor activity at Mount Spurr for signals that would indicate that the volcano is moving closer to an eruption. Based on previous eruptions, changes from current activity in the earthquakes, ground deformation, summit lake, and fumaroles would be expected if magma began to move closer to the surface. Therefore, it is very likely that if an eruption were to occur it would be preceded by additional signals that would allow advance warning. The volcano is monitored using local seismic, infrasound, web camera, and GNSS stations along with regional infrasound, lightning networks and satellite data,” the update continued. The volcano, just west of the Palins’ town, last erupted in 1992, a moderate event that sent a layer of ash onto nearby Anchorage and made a mess of busy trans-Pacific air corridors. It’s not clear yet how much fire’s in this fucker’s belly right now.

Purposefully shitting on one of the very few of his actually positive accomplishments during his failed first term, convicted felon President Trump will on Friday sign an executive order abolishing COVID-19 vaccine mandates in schools, the Washington Examiner reports on what’s probably going to be the top of a slippery slope where every inoculation is opt-out for school children.

An analysis by the New York Times infers that Acting Deputy Attorney General Emil Bove, who could personally sign off on a dismissal of the charges against dipshit New York City Mayor Eric Adams if he really wanted to, is holding back and letting an ongoing exodus to continue at the SDNY’s office because he’s “loath to sign the document himself because of the extra scrutiny it would entail.”

Lol. No issue with the analysis itself, they probably nailed it, yet they don’t go into the bigger question of why the fuck Bove is acting like that ship hasn’t already sailed when he literally said he had “concluded earlier this week that the prosecution of Mayor Adams must be dismissed in order to prioritize national security and public safety.” The Times believes that it’s got more to do with the court than anything else, writing “The judge overseeing the Adams case, Dale Ho of Federal District Court in Manhattan, may well demand answers of whomever submits such a document,” but again, he’s going to be asking hard questions of the feds anyway. It should be noted however that the case is as good as dead even if Ho refuses to dismiss the charges. It’s not going anywhere if prosecutors don’t show up and they won’t, no matter how much hell the judge gives them.

Still it may be safe to conclude that Bove is such a bitch he wants to stay in DC and let some underling in New York to stand there and take that hell. Pretty on-brand for MAGA. It also may become pointless as this version of the Saturday Night Massacre is now on its seventh prosecutor.

Welsh idiot James Howells, whose hard drive containing $800 million worth of Bitcoin has now been under a mountain of garbage for at least 11 years, now claims he has funding to simply buy the entire garbage dump site from the city of Newport to retrieve it, CNN reports.

“Am considering purchasing a landfill site. Funding secured,” Howells tweeted last week. He did not respond to a request for comment from CNN. It’s not clear why he didn’t just think of this over the decade-plus he’s been failing to get the city council to allow him to dig in the dump.

Congolese pop artist Delcat Idengo, said to be critical of both the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s military and the Rwanda-backed M23 rebel movement was found dead in the M23-occupied city of Goma on Thursday, the BBC reports, citing sources claiming Idengo had been filming the video for a new diss track against the rebels who violently seized the town last month.

DRC government spokesman Patrick Muyaya blamed the M23 and said “Justice will be done,” for Idengo’s murder, while the M23 claimed it was the DRC military that killed the singer. Witnesses claimed that Idengo had been wearing military-like fatigues when he was shot dead. Probably not the best choice of apparel for a war zone. If he had to film in a war zone. It’s kind of easy to superimpose oneself on an AI-generated background these days. Lots of apps can do that.

Lincoln, California Trump voter Estefany Peña, tells Cal Matters she believed that everything would be fine for her and the second MAGA Reich would only go after illegals when she cast a ballot for the Orange God Emperor in November. And it was, until her husband and father of their two children, 40 year-old Joel Jacuinde, a legal resident and green card holder since 1999, never came home from a “check-in” appointment with an immigration office in San Francisco late last month.

“I thought they were going to be targeting criminals. No one mentioned during the campaigning of Donald Trump that residents – legal residents – were going to have to go through this. Everything just came crumbling down,” Peña said after the unspecified immigration officers wouldn’t allow her husband to leave. She claims they’ve since been trying to force him to sign a voluntary removal form. Peña has been unable to find legal representation for her husband, the lone breadwinner of the family and the only one who can drive their 11 year-old son to get treatment for his asthma.

“My kids are very close to their dad, so it’s taken a terrible toll on them,” Peña said. Yeah, her story kind of doesn’t totally add up, specifically as to why a green card holder would be detained indefinitely and forced to sign a voluntary removal form. That sounds like it would be a bigger deal and something more widely reported, so he had to have let it lapse or maybe he never was a legal resident and the wife’s simply lying about that part. Either way the “I thought they were going to be targeting criminals” part smacks of sincere regret over the choice she made, even if it was mooted by the Electoral College. Joel simply wasn’t “family-oriented” enough in the eyes of the reich.

It was a special Valentine’s Day for New York City Mayor Eric Adams who publicly professed his partnership with Trump Reich “Border Czar” Tom Homan on Friday’s edition of Fox and Friends, not at all looking like he’s the submissive bottom in their relationship. It’s more like Adams accepts and enjoys being dominated by Homan because it helps keep Adams out of federal prison.

Convicted felon President Trump rejected his longtime minion Corey Lewandowski’s bid to become Department of Homeland Security Chief of Staff, the Atlantic reports on the Orange Overlord personally nixing it knowing that it was Corey just trying to find a way to regularly fuck now-DHS Secretary Kristi Noem during work hours. Extramarital sex for me, none for thee.

Yet Corey found a way. “The president’s decision has not stopped Lewandowski from working closely with Noem in her new role, functioning as a traveling adviser while overseeing other employees in her office. The situation has alarmed some in Trump’s circle, who view Lewandowski as a chaotic presence, even by MAGA standards,” the Atlantic’s story continues, raising the important question of when, not if, Corey is taken out of the DHS building in handcuffs.

All it took was 11 packs of instant ramen, women’s boots, blue jeans, and a t-shirt from Walmart, totaling $137.34 swiped from the Walmart on 5255 Elvis Presley Boulevard in the Whitehaven neighborhood of Memphis, Tennessee to finally unlock an elite badge of shoplifting notoriety for 37 year-old Ashley Cross: A lifetime ban from every Walmart store, according to WREG.

“We value our customers and associates and want them to have a pleasant shopping experience. Though rare, there are instances when someone is no longer welcome in our stores,” the company said in a statement following Cross’s arrest in which she was caught on camera using an old watch barcode battery to scan all her items for $1 at the self-checkout. It’s not clear from the article how many times Cross had been caught stealing from Walmart or any other stores though it does mention that she’s “a well-known shoplifter,” per police. Cross is in the clink on $7,500 bond.

"MaYbe shE's goiNg to be in TroUble nOw"

Maybe he can learn to read. The Constitution would be a good place to start https://t.co/vQ69UDyQnT

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) February 14, 2025

Project 2025 architect and newly reappointed Office of Management and Budget Director Russ Vought is among just 108 followers of an OnlyFans creator named Chloe Harper, Path to Progress director Sam Weinberg reports, noting that the Project 2025 manual called for a ban on porn.

Fairness asterisk: Harper follows Vought, convicted felon President Trump, Third Lady Melania Trump, Trump’s official presidential account, and “Team Trump” on Instagram, making it fairly reasonable to conclude she’s MAGA herself. So while Vought following her is definitely not a good look, there’s a hell of a lot more plausible deniability of it being an innocuous follow-back (there’s plenty of apparent randos on his follow list) here than there was in a situation like, for example, the time Ted Cruz got caught liking milf porn. Or when George Santos used campaign funds to pay for his OnlyFans porn subscriptions. Short of Vought appearing on some list of her OnlyFans subscribers, it’s unlikely this is going to be a thing… then again would it be a thing even if he did?