The trial of a dentist who killed his wife of 34 years while on an African safari and then told his lover, “I killed my fucking wife for you!” after collecting $5 million in insurance money has opened in what could be the easiest case a federal prosecutor has handled lately, the Associated Press reports.

Prosecutors allege Lawrence “Larry” Rudolph killed his wife, Bianca, with a shotgun blast at sunrise while on a 2016 expedition to Zambia.  Rudolph claimed that he heard the shotgun blast while he was taking his morning dump, and surmised his wife mishandled the shotgun they had brought on the trip while packing it.

However, Rudolph undermine his own claim when he told Lori Milliron, his longtime mistress, “I killed my fucking wife for you!” while the two dined at a Phoenix restaurant after learning in 2020 that the FBI was reopening the investigation.

Long story short:  After dinner theater Jethro and Republican Texas Congressman Ronny Jackson, a former White House physician known for getting drunk on duty and handing out pills without a prescription, tweeted an assertion that Joe Biden needed a cognitive test, President Obama sent him an email saying he disgraced the WH Physician’s office, the US Navy, and the position’s ceremonial rank of admiral.  This hurt Jackson’s feelings, and he wanted to call Obama and explain, but got delayed at a fundraiser.

When he was done grifting, he opted to call someone who, Dr. Pill Popper felt, could sympathize with his dilemma.  He called Dan Bongino, a Fox host and former Secret Service agent who betrayed innumerable confidences and standards by gossiping about his protectees.  Bongino told Jackson, “You don’t owe him a damn thing,” because they are, after all, douchebags at heart.

A Seattle man has been arrested for stalking the house and threatening the life of Democratic Washington Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal after he marched around her house while carrying a handgun, NBC News reports.

Brett Allen Forsell, 48, will also likely face a state hate crimes charge after yelling at Jayapal’s house, “Go back to India” and “I’m going to kill you.”  Jayapal is the first Indian-American member of Congress.

A member of the White House support staff who has been in contact with the House January 6th Select Committee and is in position to corroborate former aide Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony was the person who disgraced former President Trump tried to call recently and Liz Cheney referred to the Department of Justice for possible witness tampering, CNN reports.

This person was not someone who would still regularly be in contact with Trump, which is why it stuck out them and they alerted the committee. We had theorized Tuesday that Trump had left a voicemail with this person, but CNN’s report contains no mention of one. It’s now likely that the call coming from Trump out of the blue to someone he had never called personally before while this person was about to testify is alone what makes it rise to witness tampering.

So it’s probably a valet or other service staff member, someone who’s always present and overhears a lot of shit going on but is otherwise discreet, and more likely than not still works there in the Biden White House. Someone who Trump really has no relationship with and would have no other reason to call just to catch up a year and a half after leaving office.

The Food and Drug Administration approved a new coronavirus vaccine from the manufacturer Novavax, who created a more traditional protein-based formula versus the three currently approved mRNA versions, CNBC reports.

In the emergency authorization, the FDA approved the Novavax vaccine for patients 18 and over, adding another weapon to the quiver of physicians trying to protect patients from the coronavirus.  Novavax used more than $1.8 billion in funding under the Trump Administration’s Operation Warp Speed, doled out two years ago, to develop the vaccine.

Officials hope the fact that this vaccine is a more traditional formulation will encourage many of the 25% of American adults who have not received a single vaccine inoculation out of fear of the new technology used to develop the mRNA vaccines.

House and Senate Democrats are looking to launch a new offensive against Republicans and force them on the record to protect same-sex marriage and birth control from tyrannical far right Supreme Court Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas, Axios reports. The strategically smart move, which is uncharacteristic of Democrats who are much better at inventing new ways to fuck things up, already saw 20 Senate Republicans queried by Axios declining to stake a position.

From the “Sentence I Never Thought I’d Ever Write” Department:  An Oklahoma man was arrested for murdering his noodling partner because he feared the man was going to feed him to the mythical giant Bigfoot, NBC News reports.

Larry Doil Sanders, 53, objected to being made into a Sasquatchicle, so he choked Jimmy Glenn Knighten to death, partially to protect himself and perhaps, to provide Bigfoot a snack so the big guy would leave him alone.  “Noodling,” incidentally, is not a coy way of saying anything sexual; it’s actually using your arms as bait to catch a catfish… which probably is a sexual activity to at least one person reading this, now that I think about it.

According to the affidavit supplied by the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation, who charged Sanders with first degree murder:

LARRY claimed that while at the river, he discovered JIMMY intended to feed him to sasquatch/bigfoot,” the affidavit said. “LARRY indicated JIMMY attempted to get away from him so that the sasquatch could eat LARRY. LARRY would not let JIMMY get away. LARRY punched JIMMY and struck JIMMY with a stick. LARRY and JIMMY fought for an extended amount of time on the ground. LARRY confirmed he killed JIMMY by choking him to death near the river.

“He can’t ride a bike correctly.  He can’t keep his family together – they’re always doing something that makes the USA look crazy and not represent this country well,” Ewic Trump proclaims in glorious exultation of the super fit, super agile Donald Trump while demeaning Joe Biden.

Well, we’ve got just one thing to say to that:

Tweeted by Ol’ Gymbo on Tuesday, deleted on Wednesday following the arrest and confession of Columbus, Ohio man Gerhson Fuentes in the rape of a 10 year old victim who was forced to cross state lines in order to obtain an abortion. Fuentes is reportedly an illegal immigrant, something the MAGA kids have been seizing on as if it fucking matters because either way Ohio Republicans forced an additional trauma upon her and pretended the scumbag didn’t exist until he was arrested.

Clownish lawyer Jonathan Turley, whose only legal consistency is that he’s consistently wrong, continues with his string of bad takes:   Wednesday afternoon, he published a column in the New York Post implying that the story of an impregnated raped 10-year-old girl having to flee Ohio to Indiana to get an abortion was totally off the mark and a lie.

In his lawyerly way, Turley avoids explicitly calling it a lie in the column, but he certainly tries to lead the reader to that conclusion, writing:

“Not a whisper.” That was Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost, saying that his search for a notorious child rape case in his state had turned up nothing.

That is odd given the vast coverage by the media, and even condemnation of the president of the United States, of the supposed case of a 10-year-old girl raped and impregnated in Ohio and forced to seek an abortion in Indiana.

What is even stranger than the utter lack of confirmation of the story is the utter lack of interest in confirming it — or in the welfare of the child herself. We have little proof that the story is true despite some significant legal and factual questions.

More than an hour before this posted at 1:46 p.m. ET Wednesday, on the Post’s website, Ohio authorities arrested 27-year-old Gershon Fuentes for first-degree felony rape, with the Columbus Dispatch noting that Columbus Police had been notified of the attack on June 22nd, about three weeks ago.

In an interview from the undisclosed location in the Rocky Mountains where he lives in a trailer with his wife after having sold his Arizona home and business, 61 year old former Trump fan and supposed mastermind of the Capitol riot false flag Ray Epps told the New York Times he’s not really into the whole MAGA thing anymore after its media and fans completely destroyed his life.

“I am at the center of this thing, and it’s the biggest farce that’s ever been. It’s just not right. The American people are being led down a path. I think it should be criminal,” said Epps, who estimates the forced relocation in the face of constant death threats from other Trump fans cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars and described friends, acquaintances, and even family members avoiding him after federal prosecutors declined to charge him for encouraging others to enter the Capitol on January 6th when he himself didn’t. Epps says he’s looking for a lawyer to file defamation suits against Tucker Carlson and the other right wing media figures who made him out to be a “CIA agent” or whatever shit the fanboys were saying in trying to make it look like their Orange God Emperor didn’t incite the riot which left five people dead and hundreds injured.

“The Fulton County District Attorney has ensured South Carolina Senator Lindsey O. Graham that he is not a target or a subject of the Special Purpose Grand Jury investigating “possible attempts to disrupt the lawful administration of the 2020 elections in the State of Georgia.” Yet the District Attorney has launched the formal process of compelling the Senator to travel to Georgia to testify before the Special Purpose Grand Jury. She has obtained an ex parte certificate from a Georgia state court that is directed at the Tenth Circuit Court of General Sessions under the Uniform Act to Secure the Attendance of Witnesses from Without a State in Criminal Proceedings.”

“The proceedings are aimed at forcing Senator Graham to appear in Georgia for seven weeks of in-person testimony. Senator Graham moves to quash the ex parte Certificate and related process purporting to require his appearance in any proceedings related to any Georgia Special Purpose Grand Jury because (1) the Constitution’s Speech or Debate Clause protects him from this legal process, (2) sovereign immunity prohibits enforcement of the state court process on him as a federal officer, and (3) no extraordinary circumstances exist for compelling his testimony. Therefore, the Court should expedite briefing, and quash the state court proceedings seeking to compel his appearance,” says Senator Human Urinal Cake in his complaint.

Professional Congressional troll and alleged former prostitute Lauren Boebert (Q-Colo.) is having a very bad week.  First, her restaurant in Rifle, Shooters Grill was shut down Sunday after the landlord refused to renew the lease on the eatery more famous for salmonella and financial impropriety than service and food safety, according to the Colorado Sun.

Shooters was never a success.  It was tied to an outbreak of food poisoning when its pork sliders sickened diners at a catering event.  It was then revealed that Boebert would pay her employees off-the-books, using cash from the till rather than paying required state and federal taxes.  Finally, it appears the restaurant never turned a profit, losing money–as much as $200,000 in a single year–but it was buoyed by her husband’s undeclared-before-the-election $500,000 annual income as a “consultant” to Colorado’s oil and gas industry.  (Curious how she doesn’t mention that as she rants about Hunter Biden.)

But the (alleged) sex worker on sabatical has a new book out.  No, no, she hasn’t read one; that would be too much effort.  She allegedly wrote one, and it’s as close to the truth as someone who believes Donald Trump was a great president can get.  Her recounting of one of the most infamous incidents regarding her husband does more to confuse the issue than clear it up:  the story of her then-boyfriend exposing himself to a group of teenage girls at a bowling alley.

Complete dipshit Anchorage, Alaska mayor Dave Bronson, famous for calling local anti-vaxxers’ wearing Judenstern arm bands a “nice gesture” to commemorate victims of the Holocaust and shutting down the fluoridation of the city’s water supply for five hours before being told he doesn’t actually have the legal authority to do that, was pissed off for obvious reasons Tuesday after the city assembly approved a legislative process to remove a mayor from office and enumerated the potential grounds for initiating the process, Alaska Public Media reports.

“There already exists a method for removal of a mayor. It’s called a recall. Why is this method not good enough? No mayor, present or future, should be subject to a coup by an Assembly that doesn’t agree with his politics,” said Bronson, leaving out that the new impeachment process does not in any way preclude citizens from organizing a recall separately. The grounds for impeachment include breaches of public trust such as perjury, asking a municipal employee to break the law, and falsifying records – three out of four of which Bronson arguably already scored with the fluoride incident. Lucky for Bronson however is that the impeachment cannot be initiated retroactive to an offense, so he’s got a clean slate for at least a day or two before the next fuckup.

“As extreme hot weather continues driving record power demand across Texas, the Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) is issuing a Conservation Appeal for Wednesday, July 13 between 2-8 p.m. ERCOT is asking Texans and businesses to voluntarily conserve electricity during this time. Currently, no system-wide outages are expected,” says a Wednesday ERCOT bulletin.

A Columbus, Ohio man has been arrested for the rape of a 10 year old girl who was subsequently forced to cross state lines in order to get an abortion, the Columbus Dispatch reports. The arrest of 27 year-old Gershon Fuentes comes after Republican Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost on Monday appeared on Fox News host Jesse Watters’ show and questioned the existence of the victim, saying “We have regular contact with prosecutors and local police and sheriffs – not a whisper anywhere,” and then on Tuesday telling USA Today it was “likely that this is a fabrication.”

When the Dispatch asked Yost’s office for comment on the arrest Wednesday, they responded with a single sentence statement: “We rejoice anytime a child rapist is taken off the streets.”

MAGA asshole Wisconsin governor candidate Tim Michels told a reporter Tuesday he would “need to see the details,” of the moronic fantasy that the 2020 election could be “decertified” in the state, a fan fiction story that has gained traction among the Trump cult since last week’s 4-3 state Supreme Court ruling that ballot drop boxes were not permitted under state law even though they had been used in elections for decades prior, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.

“You know, I have to work with the Legislature and see what these bills look like,” Michels said, sounding much more like he knows this is stupid bullshit but would never risk the consequences of being honest with the Trump cult. Proponents of the “decertification” plan have yet to explain how the retroactive effect of the state Supreme Court ruling is supposed to apply only to the 2020 Presidential election in the state and not the 2016 election, which Trump won, nor literally any of the other thousands of individual races in the state that were decided since absentee ballot drop boxes came into use decades ago, or why they were suddenly only a problem after Trump lost. But maybe the best part of political newcomer Michels’ non-committal answer on “decertification” is that his primary rival, state Rep Timmy Ramthun, is the jackass who came up with the idea. Ramthun was very sad over being snubbed for Trump’s endorsement last month.

I won’t stop working to restore America to its former greatness. pic.twitter.com/oZjT05tmW7

— Paul Gosar (@DrPaulGosar) July 13, 2022

In a Tuesday meeting with President Joe Biden, Mexican President Andres Manuel López Obrador announced an agreement to spend $1.5 billion on “smart wall” enhancements to the US-Mexico border over the next two years, the Associated Press reports. The figure is approximately $1.5 billion more than America’s southern neighbor ever paid for border security infrastructure during the four years of the Trump Administration, despite fanboys’ repeated insistence that Mexico had actually paid for it indirectly because of tariffs or some other contrived explanation.

“While today’s headline inflation reading is unacceptably high, it is also out-of-date. Energy alone comprised nearly half of the monthly increase in inflation. Today’s data does not reflect the full impact of nearly 30 days of decreases in gas prices, that have reduced the price at the pump by about 40 cents since mid-June. Those savings are providing important breathing room for American families. And, other commodities like wheat have fallen sharply since this report.”

“Importantly, today’s report shows that what economists call annual ‘core inflation’ came down for the third month in a row, and is the first month since last year where the annual ‘core’ inflation rate is below six percent. Inflation is our most pressing economic challenge. It is hitting almost every country in the world. It is little comfort to Americans to know that inflation is also high in Europe, and higher in many countries there than in America. But it is a reminder that all major economies are battling this COVID-related challenge, made worse by Putin’s unconscionable aggression. Tackling inflation is my top priority – we need to make more progress, more quickly, in getting price increases under control,” says President Biden in a Wednesday statement.