FAILING GRADE: Education advocates urge stronger national civics standards as new data highlights gaps in students’ understanding of American government ahead of a federal assessment update.

The latest "Nation's Report Card," released in 2022, found just 22% of eighth graders… pic.twitter.com/vTNXdua20n

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 3, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime this week extradited to Chinese communist dictator Xi Jinping’s regime an ICE detainee, identified only by his surname Han, suspected by cops in of trafficking drugs, the Wall Street Journal reports without any further detail whatsoever.

Just that ICE agents acting on a tip arrested the guy and put him on a plane back home. The rest of the story’s about how this is a token of cooperation ahead of the two autocrats’ summit in Beijing next month. Nothing so much as a hint as to the evidence against the man, like if ICE found him with 50 lbs of fentanyl in the trunk of his car, if he’d been caught in a sting operation, or any hint as to his politics – if any. That information’s kind of important since, well, the guy’s 100 percent going to be executed and it would help to know what was used to make a determination that he should be sent to certain death in China. It would be pretty fucked up, to say the least, if Han’s not a drug smuggler but a Shen Yun choreographer whose “drug” is simply mesmerizing dance productions.

Not that Shen Yun are a paragon of human rights and decency but you get the point. This is fucking twisted that the Trump regime lets the Journal pick up the news instead of providing a full account to the public of how Han was arrested and what was the probable cause to execute a warrant on him, that Americans can feel at least confident enough that the guy’s a drug dealer, not a dissident.

In a landmark session signaling its commitment to moving past a turbulent period of military dictatorship and undergoing autocratic reform, Myanmar’s rump parliament on Friday approved the ascendancy of General Min Aung Hlaing from his role as supreme leader of the ruling junta into the presidency and affirmed him as supreme leader of a civilian personalist dictatorship, the AP reports.

The impressive display of nationalist unity saw Hliang winning a clear majority, taking 429 out of the 584 votes from a unicameral parliament comprised almost entirely lawmakers from military-backed parties and appointed members from the army hold commanding majorities. Plus it helped that Hliang’s only two opponents were also military-approved loyalists – close Hliang adviser former General Nyo Saw and pro-military Union Solidarity and Development Party ethnic Karen politician Nan Ni Ni Aye – both of whom were appointed as co-vice presidents to the new supreme ruler.

Dem California Congressman and gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell didn’t necessarily have to vouch for Pam Bondi here. There’s be zero consequences to trolling and saying “Damn right she did last week when I bumped into her at Sweetgreen,” but it’s equally hilarious how he debunks that deranged paranoid suspicion that reportedly led to convicted felon President Trump firing her.

Also worth noting is the echo of a largely under-the-radar episode, reported by Axios earlier this year but dating back to September, involving other psychotic Southern bleach blonde Marjorie Taylor Greene: He and his minions for some goddamned reason suspected her of having tipped off “Code Pink” libs who violated his safe space at some fancy restaurant in DC called Joe’s Seafood, simply because she had recommended it to him at some point beforehand when he asked her what places were good. Greene denied it and had insisted that she never knew if or when he would actually go there and, kind of more importantly, while things were already shaky between them, it was still weeks before everything well and truly went to shit and Marjorie called it quits in November.

Definitely some common threads there with the paranoia and baseless accusations, but also with both if it wasn’t stupid shit like that then it would’ve been something else eventually.

Drunken date rapist Pete Hegseth on Thursday asked for the resignation of Army Chief of Staff General Randy George to pack his shit and retire as CBS News reports Hegseth “wants someone in the role who will implement President Trump and Hegseth’s vision for the Army.”

Wonder if this is less about how the war is going and more about the suspension of the crews of the Apaches that flew by Kid Rock’s manions so he could salute them. Could totally see that.

Whoa. Seems like every time one checks in on these guys they’re sitting in a goddamned Arby’s parking lot thanking their supporters for donations or arguing with their navigator about which way to go. Now? Well, this Brandon Copic dude seems in the shit for real. Let’s go Brandon!

“On Sunday, March 29, 2026, at approximately 5:22 pm, patrol officers with the New Castle County Division of Police were dispatched to the unit block of Ravine Road in the Highland Woods neighborhood following a report of a possible human skull discovered along a creek in a wooded area. Preliminary observations indicated the remains appeared to be a human skull showing signs of prolonged environmental exposure. The State of Delaware Division of Forensic Science was contacted, and detectives from the Criminal Investigations Unit responded to assist with a coordinated search of the area. During the canvass, an additional bone of unknown origin was located. All recovered remains were turned over to the Delaware Division of Forensic Science for further testing and analysis,” says a Thursday alert from the New Castle, Delaware County Police.

Emphasis added on the part where they hedged on whether it’s definitely a human skull which, well, what the hell else could it be? Unless these guys are REALLY stupid then one would think that now that it’s five days later they had already established that it’s not a goddamned Halloween decoration or a medical school’s prop, that it is in fact skeletal in nature, which leaves them with the question of what kind of skeleton. Which isn’t really a question at all since a cursory consultation with one’s middle school-level education it turns out it’s pretty goddamned hard to mistake any other type of skull with that of a human being. This isn’t like, say, a vertebrae or a femur or some other indistinct mammalian bone a layperson is unlikely to be able to distinguish a human’s with that of a deer.

Even of the narrow possibility that it’s a simian skull that somehow ended up dumped in the woods in Delaware there’s just no way a homicide detective is going to mistake them. So MAYBE they could just ride the wind here and say it’s a human skull instead of looking so friggin stupid and feckless.

Reacting to not ever having to see Pam Bondi’s stupid face again, House Judiciary Ranking Dem Jamie Raskin on Thursday issued a statement saying “Today President Trump has sacked Attorney General Pam Bondi, ending a tenure that will be remembered as a profound betrayal not only of the DOJ but of the American people the Department exists to serve,” in the standard Raskinian affect.

“For the record, the Dow was under 50,000,” Raskin then added in a non-standard dunk on the assclown and her insistence during last month’s hearing that sex trafficking didn’t matter because on that day the stock market index had crossed that line. The Dow’s currently at 46,390.

After a lot of reporting from different outlets this morning saying scumbag Attorney General Pam Bondi is still on the job but about to be officially fired, maybe, convicted felon President Trump could walk it back, you never know, Fox News now reports that she was indeed canned Wednesday night and is already back home in Florida. Later, the White House coorespondenepo hire Peter Doocy reported on air that Trump himself confirmed it to him and that Todd Blanche will take over for now.

Coming in hot with yet another solid get amid a week full of them – and yet still a trashy British rag with a website that makes RawStory’s look like a Kindle Paperwhite – the Daily Mail earlier reported that the final straw was Trump believing that Bondi had somehow tipped off California Congressman and Dem gubernatorial candidate Eric Swalwell on the investigation into him sexing up an alleged Chinese spy like how many goddamned years ago. It was definitely before a Chinese spy and massage parlor sex trafficker/pimp friend of Bob Kraft’s got her pic taken with Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

Anyway, the Mail reports Bondi “begged” to stay on long but the Orange God Emperor had made up his mind, and later affirming it on Truth Social, posting “Pam Bondi is a Great American Patriot and a loyal friend, who faithfully served as my Attorney General over the past year. Pam did a tremendous job overseeing a massive crackdown in Crime across our Country, with Murders plummeting to their lowest level since 1900. We love Pam, and she will be transitioning to a much needed and important new job in the private sector, to be announced at a date in the near future, and our Deputy Attorney General, and a very talented and respected Legal Mind, Todd Blanche, will step in to serve as Acting Attorney General.” So she’s out out. Not out but with some bullshit “exit ramp” job like Noem. Out.

Republican Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, who’s basically a goth but dresses like the father-in-law your spouse never directly defends during the blow-up that ensues when you slip up and say out loud that family gatherings will be much less awkward after he finally dies, was typically dark and morose Thursday. Even Johnson couldn’t pretend that convicted felon president Trump’s birthright citizenship ban would survive at the Supreme Court. What’s interesting is that which RonAnon doesn’t do here and well, you know, make even the slightest nod to the reality that he actually has agency in this and could work on a real bipartisan solution to what he presents as an existential threat to miserable, deeply entitled, boomer-aged caucasian fathers-in-law everywhere.

The word “compromise” loses its dual meaning in such Republican-coded contexts: That to come to a bipartisan solution is no different than fatally undermining the ramparts of the medieval fortress that is a white nationalist revanchist party like the congressional GOP. To exchange concessions with Democrats, like an overhaul of the utterly bricked legal immigration system to acquire win on priorities such as restricting the Chinese birth tourism industry that creates some voters 18 years later – when Ron’s hopefully already long dead after driving a jet ski into a bridge pylon – is the same as an unconditional surrender. Thing is he’s too chickenshit to just come out and say that to the Fox News audience, so he retreats to complaining that the Supreme Court won’t just do his job for him and are effectively responsible for “destroying this country” by creating “millions of voters who will obviously not be voting in the best interests of America.” It’s that Neil Gorsuch libtard’s fault.

“Thank you to all of our Great Congressional Republicans, House Speaker Mike Johnson, and Senate Leader John Thune, for their work this week. Republicans are UNIFIED, and moving forward on a plan that will reload funding for our FANTASTIC Border Patrol and Immigration Enforcement Officers.”

“Because the Democrats are fully and 100 percent committed to the Radical Left Policy of Open Borders and Zero Immigration Enforcement (which will hopefully cost them dearly in the Midterms!), allowing Murderers and Criminals of all types into our Country, totally unchecked and unvetted, I will soon sign an order to pay ALL of the incredible employees at the Department of Homeland Security.”

“Their families have suffered far too long at the hands of the Extreme Liberal ‘Leaders,’ Cryin’ Chuck Schumer and Hakeem ‘High Tax’ Jeffries. Nevertheless, help is on the way for our Brave and Patriotic Public Servants who have continued to work hard, and do their part to protect and defend our Country,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday after the months long DHS shutdown finally ended for the next 60 days or whatever stupid can-kicking the GOP did.

If you had any serious doubts about National Zero’s theory that the Tuesday Daily Mail BOOBSHELL story about Byron Noem’s weird sexual fetish and cross-dressing habits was simply an internal Kristi Noem antagonist’s expired kompromat being dumped to a discount outlet for allegorical pennies on the dollar then be prepared to de-serious-ify those doubts. The Mail now reports Byron’s kinks were an “open secret” within the Orange God Emperor’s lair and, understandably, a target of snickering.

“I’ve heard people say Bryon dresses up in women’s clothes, but I didn’t imagine something this reckless. It certainly wasn’t on my bingo card,” one Trump minion told the Mail, adding that during the vetting process the FBI looks “into who you are married to, but there are not any questions about whether your husband has any secret fetishes. They’re not digging through online chatrooms to get dirt on a secretary’s husband. That could get sticky.” Meaning that this person had heard said rumors but did not think to maybe tell K$H Patel that he might want to look into it and get ahead of any foreign malefactors whom would use it to blackmail the Secretary of Homeland Security.

“I have been hearing he was a cross-dresser since last year and that [Kristi Noem] was telling people about it – we assumed to justify her affair,” a “senior” DHS official said, and lol that’s just really fucking funny. You assumed correctly, bro. You just didn’t follow through and realize that the justification angle could be predicated on it actually being true. “Everyone assumed it was not a normal marriage. He was either cool with her being banged by someone else, or he wasn’t into women,” said another source, who said he had also speculated that Byron had a “cuck fetish.”

A South Dakota source was initially horrified when the British rag first picked up the Corey affair circa 2021. “As a married man, I can’t imagine anything more humiliating than my wife’s boyfriend being in the Daily Mail.” A mutual friend then told the man “Yeah, they’ve got an arrangement.”

“It was widely known,” the Mount Rushmore Stater said, adding “We knew Kristi and Bryon had a full breakdown in sexual relations. He’s interested in other stuff. I didn’t know he had fake breasts.”

Fox and Friends couchman Lawrence Jones on Thursday sounded pretty butthurt over how convicted felon President Trump’s speech was received by MS Now’s Nicole Wallace, CNN’s John Berman and Van Jones, and soon-to-be-exiting CBS’s Stephen Colbert, asserting their criticisms of the speech were tantamount to “rooting against the country” and questioning why they can’t give Trump any of the “credibility” Jones says that Trump had “earned” throughout his political career.

Yeah. You could write a book about this segment. First off, wow holy shit these people are doing what they’re paid to do? They’re making anodyne takes and obvious jokes about a demented old physical wreck who was unfit for the presidency a decade ago? Damn, next you’re going to tell us that Lawrence isn’t simply a passionate hobbyist who wakes up at 4:00 AM to be in the studio by 5:30 to use the show’s A-block to complain about the clip reel for free either. Then there’s the “credibility” thing in which apparently it’s less than completely reasonable to question the honesty of a president who has repeatedly asserted his New York City-born father was born in Germany, to name just one of the many, many easily falsified statements Dirty Don has made over the years.

The price of a barrel of West Texas Intermediate crude oil, which is the bodies of dead dinosaurs that sank in mud and then got all putrified and shit and then the top layer of mud hardened and turned into rocks and then all the rotted dino meat was subjected to immense heat and pressure from the Earth’s geological processes and the biomass got turned itself into oil and then in 2007 there was this one really wacky Daniel Day-Lewis movie about the early days of the oil industry…

Yeah well CNBC’s price ticker puts the price of a barrel of it at $109.63 as of 7:59 AM EDT on Thursday, a direct result of convicted felon President Trump’s lame, terrible address to the nation on Wednesday night. Dow Jones Industrial Average futures are down 718 points in tandem.

Might as well keep going with the first-name only Trump minion headlines. The Guardian reports that the illegitimate convicted felon president has been asking advisors whether he should fire Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard – more often than not a sign that he’s serious about it – and that the only reason he’s yet to do so is the lack of a viable replacement. “Viable” obviously doing a lot of work there considering Tulsi herself is a Hawaiian Dem former congresswoman who managed medical supply chains as an officer in the state’s National Guard and never would have been a viable pick for the extremely crucial job if the administration was led by a mentally healthy president.

The Orange God Emperor was particularly displeased with the Hindu supremacist cultist Tulsi declining the opportunity to condemn now-former National Counterterrorism chief Joe Kent, himself a white nationalist maniac, after he abruptly quit over Trump’s directionless Iran war last month.

Secretary of Homeland Security Markwayne Mullin has mothballed his dog-murdering idiot predecessor Kristi Noem’s aggressive acquisition of massive warehouses for conversions into ICE gulags, USA Today reports and confirmed by DHS statement saying “As with any transition, we are reviewing agency policies and proposals,” even though “review” might as well be saying “DOA.”

Mullin himself hinted at such a move during his confirmation hearing last month that, saying “it’s important that we’re talking to the communities” where such centers would be located, communities whose responses to having an ICE gulag stood up nearby have largely ranged from “no” to “fuck no.”

At least 11 acquisitions have collapsed, though it’s believed DHS has bought up 10 warehouses. It’s not clear what the status of those 10 is and if the pause extends to in-progress repurposings.

Back to the Stone Age.

— Pete Hegseth (@PeteHegseth) April 2, 2026

“It is my Great Honor to nominate Jeffrey Kuntz to serve as Judge on the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida. As the Highly Respected Chief Judge of Florida’s Fourth District Court of Appeal, Jeffrey has been TOUGH and SMART, and delivered strong results for the Sunshine State. A proud graduate of Boston College, who earned his JD at Suffolk University Law School, Jeffrey has demonstrated his commitment to the Rule of Law throughout his career. He will always defend our Great Constitution, and put our Country, FIRST. Congratulations Jeffrey!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday. It was like a magnet, he just nominated Kuntz.

Haha! Get it? The headline was calling Attorney General Pam Bondi shit and the gold toilet flushing was an allusion to her potentially being fired as CNN reports in this new story of theirs that lends itself to such clever and witty satire that really isn’t actually all that witty or clever if it needs to be explained like this and now you’re thinking “Come on, will you just get to the fucking story already…”

Anyway you already guessed why convicted felon President Trump has already had it with Pam – her inability to convince a clear majority of the American public that he never statutorily raped Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking victims decades before she ever even met Trump, her inability to ensure only Proud Boys and Oath Keepers are seated on grand juries investigating people he hates, that he already fired Kristi Noem thus depriving Pam of a dumber, more corrupt top-tier female cabinet member to absorb Donald’s misogynist pathologies, and the fact that the only one of his US Attorneys General that he never turned against is that bald asshole who served for two months and whose resume prominently included a stint as a pitchman for a patent scam mills that sold toilets specially designed to accommodate men whose penises are too long for them to sanitarily sit on more typical models installed in homes. That guy’s the United States ambassador to NATO now.

And just as it was eight years ago when that deeply corrupt piece of shit EPA chief Scott Pruitt was repeatedly floated as an instantly available replacement for Keebler elf Jeff Sessions – presently serving Senate-confirmed cabinet members can be laterally shuffled into a another spot without having to undergo the nomination process again – Trump is eyeing Pruitt’s successor and complete douchebag EPA admin Lee Zeldin to take over for Bondi. And – get this – Zeldin actually has a law degree. Crazy, right? Trump’s top candidate for attorney general is an attorney, technically.