Republican New Hampshire state House member Jess Edwards was a bit upset to see a bill outlawing child marriage pass in the chamber last week, the Granite Post reports.

“When we do this to people who are of ripe, fertile age and may have a pregnancy and a baby involved, are we not in fact, making abortion a much more desirable alternative when marriage might be the right solution for some freedom loving couples?” Edwards asked as he railed against the bill, later voting no along with 273 other Republicans in the 400-seat chamber, but failing to stop it from reaching Governor Chris Sununu’s desk as the bill had already cleared the state Senate in March.

Jesus dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson told reporters on Wednesday that he has a lot of feelings and senses to back up his assertions that millions of undocumented migrants have been secretly voting in elections “We all know, intuitively, that a lot of illegals are voting in federal elections. But it’s not been something that’s easily provable. We don’t have that number,” Johnson assured reporters assembled on the Capitol steps for a press conference to promote the pointless bill banning non-citizens from voting in federal elections, which is already illegal.

You think your family can’t get along? Try being one of the Wilsons of Pulaski and Russell Counties in Southern Kentucky! WKYT reports that Angela Gosser, née Wilson, ended her marriage to 73 year-old Larry Gosser pretty abruptly in Pulaski County on Friday before driving to Russell County and fatally shooting her sister Jennifer Wilson, 57, before heading to her brother Darryl Wilson’s house to settle some score. After being shot and injured, Darryl returned fire, putting an end Angela’s rampage. Thanksgiving will probably be less awkward this year.

Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy avoided saying “Yes, Dad” when answering a question from Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy about President Biden’s visit to Racine, Wisconsin on Wednesday to promote a massive new Microsoft AI data center, so that was the normal part.

What was bizarre however was that this was Fox News covering Biden not only positively but doing so in a way relative to Trump, with Steve going a little bit out of his way to note that Trump had failed to create jobs at the very same location, even using the “Eighth Wonder of the World” quote.

To steal a seminal line from former President George W Bush: That was some weird shit.

A Georgia appeals court on Wednesday announced they would hear disgraced former President Trump’s appeal of Fulton County Judge Scott McAfee’s decision not to disqualify District Attorney Fani Willis from the massive RICO indictment brought against the fat fuck and 13 of his accomplices for their failed attempt to overturn his humiliating defeat in the 2020 election in the Peach State.

Lawfare’s Anna Bower reports that the interlocutory appeal order did not grant a stay, meaning the pretrial proceedings can still continue until the higher courts rule otherwise. Irrespective of whether or not the case does get stayed by an appeals court, it probably was not ever going to actually start before the 2024 election given its scope and the complexity of prosecuting so many defendants.

Yeah, we just need to report this straight because editorializing about the uselessness of harping on Republican hypocrisy wouldn’t be the most productive use of our time: The Daily Mail reports white nationalist Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene has fired her “right hand man,” staffer Travis Loudermilk – son of other MAGA Georgia US Representative Barry Loudermilk – for cheating on his wife with a married Instagram influencer. The hypocrisy of a woman – whose National Zero nickname is a portmanteau of her reputation for promoting far right conspiracy bullshit and fucking around with a gym manager and a “polyamorous tantric sex guru” prior to her divorce – firing an aide for the same sin should be obvious enough in the headline and we take this brief recomposition no further.

“It is a really bad feeling to have your Constitutional Right to Free Speech, such a big part of life in our Country, so unfairly taken from you, especially when all of the sleazebags, lowlifes, and grifters that you oppose are allowed to say absolutely anything that they want. It is hard to sit back and listen to lies and false statements be made against you knowing that if you respond, even in the most modest fashion, you are told by a Corrupt and Highly Conflicted Judge that you will be PUT IN PRISON, maybe for a long period of time. This Fascist mindset is all coming from DC.”

“It is a sophisticated hit job on Crooked Joe Biden’s Political Opponent, ME! Judges Engoron and Kaplan, also of New York, are equally Corrupt, only in different ways. What these THUGS are doing is AN ATTACK ON THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, AND OUR ONCE GREAT NATION ITSELF. OUR FIRST AMENDMENT MUST STAND, FREE AND STRONG. ‘GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!'” posted fat former President Trump in an extra furious Wednesday morning Truth Social rant.

Now, be it far from us to presume to know exactly what’s going on in the 45th leader of the Free World’s head, we’re just going to speculate here and say he probably doesn’t actually want to die in some sort of glorious sacrifice to inspire the masses to his cause. Just throwing that out there.

President Joe Biden will visit the “Eighth Wonder of the World” in Racine, Wisconsin on Wednesday to tout a new $3.3 billion investment by Microsoft to build a new AI data center, Axios reports.

We put “Eighth Wonder of the World” in quotations because the term is kind of loosely defined and subjective as there is no agreement as to what constitutes a “wonder of the world,” even among the archaeology, geology, and other experts who purport to maintain such rankings. It’s just that fat former President Trump called the site of the new Microsoft project the “Eighth Wonder of the World” six years ago when he and then-Governor Scott Walker ceremonially broke ground on the construction of a massive new Foxconn manufacturing facility that was supposed to add like 13,000 high-paying, specialized jobs to the area in exchange for $4 billion in tax incentives to the company.

The project was then steadily downsized again and again and again until Foxconn just built a flatscreen plant that employs about 1,450 locals. Microsoft bought up the remainder of the Eighth Wonder’s parcel last year, leading to Wednesday’s big visit by Biden to tout the American tech giant’s commitment to adding at least 2,000 new jobs to the area, aiming to train at least half of them in specialized data center management courses at a local technical college.

Robert F Kennedy Jr suffers from brainworms, which is not a medical term but simply a modern colloquialism meant to encompass a wide description of his batshit delusions like believing that a chemical in drinking water is turning children trans, that COVID-19 was engineered to recognize the DNA of ethnic Chinese and Ashkenazi Jewish people and thus spare them the worst of symptoms, that 5G signals carry something other than cellular data signals, among other insanities.

Robert F Kennedy Jr also once suffered from a literal brainworm, like an actual parasite, and had it surgically removed in 2010, the New York Times reports, leaving it up to the reader to speculate as to whether there may be some kind of causal relationship between these two paragraphs. Jr told a lawyer in a 2012 deposition that the worm got into his “brain and ate a portion of it and then died.”

In related news, Bobby Jr on Tuesday challenged fat former President Trump to a debate at the Libertarian convention in DC this month, writing “I’d like to make you an offer. We’re both going to be speaking at the upcoming Libertarian convention on May 24 and 25. It’s perfect neutral territory for you and me to have a debate where you can defend your record for your wavering supporters.”

Big win for President Trump. https://t.co/UIFZ9V7Hm8

— Rep. Jim Jordan (@Jim_Jordan) May 7, 2024

We don’t need to tell you that tweeting this instead of “This delay is a travesty! Utterly inexcusable that President Trump won’t be able to prove his innocence to a jury before the election” is an extremely pure distillation of how MAGAmericans feel about the justice system these days. You already knew that. What we will say however is that Jim Jordan is kind of a pussy for calling it simply a “Big win” and leaving it at that rather than posting “ROFLMAO! Suck it libs! This was the case that was probably going to nail Trump to the wall faster than any of the other ones if Jack Smith just landed a competent judge with a modicum of integrity! Go scream at the sky losers!” Maybe that everyone on both sides saw this coming like nine months ago took his edge off a bit, but still, there’s a reason why the MAGA hardcore think Gymbo is a limp dick who reliably implodes upon contact with adversity despite constantly talking a big game – and not talking a big game here is part of it.

North Korean propaganda chief Kim Ki-nam died Tuesday at the age of 94, the Guardian reports citing state media. It’s a remarkable occurrence in the impoverished communist dictatorship that someone actually lived to age 94 and did not die of malnutrition, assassination by a jealous internecine rival, or execution for some picayune fuckup at any point over the last seven decades.

Obese tyrant Kim Jong-Un (no known relation), who might live to 43 if he cuts back on the smokes, announced the elder Kim’s passing “with bitter grief over the loss of a veteran revolutionary who had remained boundlessly loyal” whilst serving all three generations of the ruling dynasty since the 1950s, ordering that a state funeral be planned to honor the wisened mastermind of statist fiction.

South Korean officials had nicknamed Kim Ki-nam the “North Korean Goebbels,” and credited him with creating the cult of the “Paektu Dynasty,” the belief that the ruling Kim family were the heirs of some kind of divine providence. No need to look much further than that level of asskissery for a means of explaining Ki-nam’s unnatural longevity in a place where Kim Jong-un one time ordered his defense minister publicly blown up with an anti-aircraft gun for falling asleep during a meeting.

House Republicans are drafting a bill slapping sanctions on International Criminal Court officials just in case the court puts out a war crimes arrest warrant for Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu and his buddies, Axios reports on yet another sign of how fucked up these people are.

Thanks to a tornado that hit Portage, Michigan, around fifty people were trapped in a FedEx warehouse Tuesday night when a tangle of wreckage and downed power lines made it too dangerous for first responders to access the site, the Washington Post reports.

The tornado that hit Portage was one of three to sweep across southern Michigan Tuesday.  One of the twisters hit St. Joseph County and two hit around Kalamazoo.  For an update on your package delivery, check fedex.com.

The worst news for Donald Trump may not have come from a Manhattan courtroom.  In Tuesday’s Indiana Republican primary, Trump handily won the race, but zombie candidate Nikki Haley garnered nearly 22% of the GOP votes, around one-third more than her performances in April’s primaries when she was already out of the race.  Haley’s gaining momentum by not running, which is not a good sign of Party unity for the top of the ticket.

In the Democratic Senate primary, Dr. Valerie McCray defeated Marc Carmichael, a former state legislator who has been the president of the state beverage association for two decades.  She’ll face Republican Congressman Jim Banks for the seat in November.

Republican Indiana Senator Mike Braun won the GOP nomination for governor, beating Lt. Guv. Suzanne Crouch and former Commerce Secretary Brad Chambers, so he’ll face the one-time head of the state education system Jennifer McCormick, who ran unopposed.

Playing far more of a secondary character to the plot than in most of her public performances, porn star and director Stormy Daniels took the stand in former president and present defendant Donald Trump’s election interference hush money trial in Manhattan on Tuesday.

• Sally Franklin, a senior vice president and executive managing editor of publisher Penguin Random House, is first witness, reading passages from Trump books into the record in which Trump details his attention to minute details, including signing all the company checks to oversee spending.
• At the time of their encounter, Trump was 60 and Daniels was 27.  For what it’s worth, Ivanka was 25.
• Daniels says that when she first met Trump in his hotel room, he was wearing silk/satin pajamas.  “Does Hugh Hefner know you stole his pajamas?” she quipped.
  Read More ▶ “A day full of images no one ever wanted”

“When you pick people who are not credible, it speaks volumes,” Trump super-store spokeslawyer Alina Habba says in the middle of a visit to the GOP nominee’s undeclared television advisor Sean Hannity, without a note of irony that she’s representing Donald Trump in a trial that started after his second documented extramarital affair.

“Do you remember back in the day,” Fox’s bro commentator Jesse Watters muses to chuckling lapdog Lindsey Graham, “y’know we never even saw any Trump supporters with Russian paraphernalia.  If anybody had been wearing a Putin mask or a Russian headband, the FBI would have been knocking at their door.”

Jesse’s perpetual self-victimization aside, Trump supporters were the ones who carried the Confederate flag through the Capitol–the Confederates didn’t even do that–and they did wave Russian flags during the 2017 CPAC cult meeting.

US military teams completed the construction of the temporary pier that will be used to unload humanitarian aid into Gaza, CNN reports, but crews must wait for calmer waters and clearer weather to push the structures into place and secure them.

The system, known as JLOTS, consists of large panels that snap together out at sea and then pushed into place onto the beach.  Once installed it will facilitate operations to load containers from small cargo ships like the MV Sagamore directly onto trucks to speed distribution into the besieged area.  Currently anchored in Cyprus, the Sagamore will be the first ship to deliver aid to Gaza when the pier is opened.

As underwater crews recovered the body of the sixth victim of the Key Bridge collapse in Baltimore, officials announced a plan to set off controlled demolition charges to break up the largest remaining pieces of the wreckage resting on the hull of the cargo ship Dali, the Associated Press reports.

The ship’s 21-person crew, which has remained aboard the vessel since the March 26th accident, will shelter in place as crews set off small explosions along the steel bridge’s structure that, if planned properly, will drop the sections into the river around the ship.  Recovery cranes will then remove the bridge sections from the water.