Dem Wisconsin Gov Tony Evers on Thursday announced he won’t seek a third term in 2026, opening up the top spot in the swing state during a hell of a midterm year, the Journal Sentinel reports.

Republican Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin did convicted felon President Trump a solid on Thursday as he blocked unanimous consent for the passage of Arizona Dem Ruben Gallego’s SR 325 Epstein Transparency Act. It’s the second time in as many weeks that Mullin, an angry asshole, blocked the exposure a sex trafficking ring where Epstein and his friends raped teenage girls.

Reacting to Wednesday night’s season premiere of South Park which depicted convicted President Trump in a homosexual tryst with Satan, Trump White House spokeswiener Taylor Rogers tells Rolling Stone “The Left’s hypocrisy truly has no end – for years they have come after South Park for what they labeled as ‘offense’ [sic] content, but suddenly they are praising the show. Just like the creators of South Park, the Left has no authentic or original content, which is why their popularity continues to hit record lows. This show hasn’t been relevant for over 20 years and is hanging on by a thread with uninspired ideas in a desperate attempt for attention. President Trump has delivered on more promises in just six months than any other president in our country’s history – and no fourth-rate show can derail President Trump’s hot streak.” Now that was some serious butthurt.

South Park creators Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and their studio were paid $30 million for that episode, one of 50 in their five-season, $1.5 billion contract with Paramount, the global media company that just settled a fake lawsuit from the fat fuck to bribe their way to a merger with Skydance.

An anonymous White House official, who said they were a longtime fan of the show, found it “disappointing” that the nearly 30 year-old series would depict their boss with a micropenis.

Hulk Hogan, who for about a year had been dead to Real Americans who fight for the rights of every man, is now also actually dead because his heart gave out or something, TMZ reports. He was 71.

Trump-appointed US Attorney for the Central District of California, Bill Essayli, screamed frantically at a subordinate this week over a failure to obtain an indictment from a grand jury for someone the convicted felon president’s regime wanted to imprison for who knows what the hell they did during last month’s civil unrest over ICE raids at Home Depot and other places in and around Los Angeles.

The frantic screaming came to the attention of the Los Angeles Times because others heard him on the other end of the line during a phone call with the subordinate in a courthouse hallway. Sources say they distinctly heard Essayli command the prosecutor to ignore the DOJ’s “Justice Manual,” the internal codebook directing prosecutors to bring only the cases they can win at trial. It’s not clear beyond this one unidentified non-defendant what the exact tally is of cases that failed at the grand jury stage but the Times reports that of 38 individuals targeted for felony charges but it could be as many as nine because that’s the number who’ve been hit with misdemeanors – which don’t require a grand jury – instead. Another five have had their charges dismissed without prejudice.

Three have gotten plea deals, so it’s not nothing, but damn that pesky Sixth Amendment forcing them to rely on a hostile populace to indict their neighbors for fighting back against a racist gestapo.

Republican strategists are workshopping an “If the Democrats win the House then Trump is going to get impeached again” messaging into their efforts to make sure MAGA voters come out big for their party next year because they’re fucking stupid, weak, and have nothing better, NBC News reports.

“The Trump voters are happy and complacent right now. And we have to get them fired up for next year. We have a lot of work to do. If President Trump is not on the ballot, it’s harder to get them out,” said Trump pollster John McLaughlin, adding “We know what the stakes are in the midterm elections. If we don’t succeed, Democrats will begin persecuting President Trump again. They would go for impeachment,” he continued and this would be pathetic enough if the same fucking article hadn’t been printed seven goddamned years ago, but here we are in the same stupid timeline.

Right after not denying that convicted felon President Trump had anything to do with CBS cancelling Stephen Colbert’s show on Thursday, FCC Reichsminister für Volksaufklärung Brendan Carr told Fox News’s Bill Hemmer that there may be some validity to the White House’s stated ambition to take The View off the air as reported by Entertainment Weekly on Wednesday.

“Everyone is stating that I will destroy Elon’s companies by taking away some, if not all, of the large scale subsidies he receives from the US Government. This is not so! I want Elon, and all businesses within our Country, to THRIVE, in fact, THRIVE like never before! The better they do, the better the USA does, and that’s good for all of us. We are setting records every day, and I want to keep it that way!” posted convicted felon President Trump on his shitty Twitter clone Thursday morning.

Huh. You know “Everyone” saying that could reasonably include Trump himself given statements such as one from 23 days ago in which he posted “Elon Musk knew, long before he so strongly Endorsed me for President, that I was strongly against the EV Mandate. It is ridiculous, and was always a major part of my campaign. Electric cars are fine, but not everyone should be forced to own one. Elon may get more subsidy than any human being in history, by far, and without subsidies, Elon would probably have to close up shop and head back home to South Africa. No more Rocket launches, Satellites, or Electric Car Production, and our Country would save a FORTUNE. Perhaps we should have DOGE take a good, hard, look at this? BIG MONEY TO BE SAVED!!!” and then later on camera unsubtly threatened to have the ketamine-brained billionaire denaturalized and deported.

Now not “everyone” but a lot of people on Musk’s social media network on Wednesday pointed out that Elon had kind of said Trump is in the Epstein files in early June which kind of tracks with the timeline of the Wall Street Journal’s reporting of the White House being informed of this, sooooooo…

Well you know, maybe Trump’s just trying to mend fences with a former pal after a nasty breakup.

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime has apparently pulled Holocaust denier MAGA influencer Paul Ingrassia’s nomination to lead the Justice Department’s Office of Special Counsel as Axios’s Stef Knight reports that Ingrassia – a Gateway Pundit contributor whose greatest far right propaganda hits include Nikki Haley birtherism and 9/11 trutherism – no longer appears among the pending confirmations on the updated billing for a Thursday morning meeting of the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs. They always admit defeat quietly.

Damn this guy’s kind of a fucking idiot. And so is Maria Bartiromo for not correcting him. in related news that neither of them likely brought up, the European Central Bank held their rates steady on Thursday. It’s not terribly relevant to the whole MAGA anti-Federal Reserve crusade save for the fact that the Orange Slob constantly brings it up while ranting about “Too Late.”

Among the 10 US citizens repatriated from Venezuela this week during a three-party prisoner exchange in which El Salvadoran dictator Nayib Bukele’s regime sent back home all of the socialist South American country’s citizens being held at CECOT was Dahud Hanid Ortiz, a Venezuelan-born US military vet and citizen who’s also kind of a triple murderer, the New York Times reports.

See there was a little incident back in 2016 when Ortiz walked into a Madrid law office in 2016 and fatally shot three people, including a receptionist, a client, and a woman he mistook for his ex-wife’s divorce lawyer. Spanish cops called it a “targeted massacre.” Ortiz fled through Europe through Germany before resurfacing in Venezuela. Where it gets dicey is that Venezuela’s constitution proscribes the extradition of citizens but it also allows for extraterritorial crimes to be tried under its legal system. Which is why Ortiz was in a Venezuelan prison until this week when Secretary of State Marco Rubio brokered his release on behalf of a US regime that got into power in no small part by screaming about how Joe Biden was allowing convicted murderers walk across the border.

Ortiz made it here on what looks like a G6 jet owned by the US Department of State.

In the third such documented incident in the last two years, a pod of orcas on Monday went to work on a vessel off the coast of Bilbao in Spain, disabling a French sailboat and prompting a rescue mission by the country’s coast guard, Euro Weekly News reports and leading scientists to speculate that one badass killer whale is teaching others that it’s fun to fuck with human boats.

A member of the unidentified sailboat’s crew told France’s TF1 that the whales at first seemed harmless – until they trashed the boat’s rudder rending them dead in the water. “After five minutes of this situation, and seeing that they wanted to continue having fun with the boat and that they were going to break something else, we called the rescue team, ‘Mayday, mayday,’” the man said.

Portuguese marine biologist and University of Aveiro Professor Alfredo Lopez Fernandez says he and his colleagues now have a name for the ringleader of the anti-boat pod: White Gladys. Fernandez says she suffered a collision with a vessel in 2020 and has since been eyed as the one colliding back. “That traumatized orca is the one that started this behavior of physical contact with the boat,” the scientist continued, warning that Gladys’s bloodlust is spreading to other pods.

Douchebag Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche is on his way to Tallahassee, Florida to meet with Jeffrey Epstein’s ex-girlfriend and co-pimp Ghislaine Maxwell on Thursday, presumably to have her murdered before she can implicate Blanche’s boss, convicted felon President Trump, in the statutory rape of underage sex trafficking victims supplied to him by Epstein, ABC News reports.

Nepo-hire Lara Trump has passed on a run for the North Carolina Senate seat being vacated by “RINO” Thom Tillis and RNC chair Mike Whatley will run instead with the Orange God Emperor’s blessing, Politico reports on a pretty dramatic boost in Dems’ chances to flip the seat given popular former Governor Roy Cooper’s very much imminent launch. Fucking Mike Whatley? Lol.

"Justice is coming."@seanhannity: "This makes Watergate look like a walk in the park." pic.twitter.com/BPUnCMFFSX

— Fox News (@FoxNews) July 24, 2025

The world is going to hell on Donald Trump’s watch: At least 11 Thai civilians and one soldier are dead and the border between Thailand and Cambodia is sealed after a drone deployment by Cambodian troops turned into a firefight and an artillery barrage, the BBC reports.

Fuck. GMA reports the first sighting of pumpkin spice bullshit at us retailers as the Philadelphia Cream Cheese with the fake autumnal-themed flavor and colored orange is now available in friggin July. Probably at a higher price than it was last year because of President Pumpkin Face.

The article also mentions that Starbucks-branded K-Cups and some other shit is available too but identifies this as some C-suite’s “Summerween” marketing campaign so you can’t really count it as an authentic early pumpkin spicing. Then again it’ll probably just roll straight into fall.

Dems on the House Oversight Committee on Wednesday forced a vote and won it 8-2 to subpoena the entirety of what is known as the Epstein files, the AP reports on the expanding shitshow.

“The White House is not denying that @realDonaldTrump’s name appears in the Epstein files, an official tells me. That fact is included in briefing binders that have been shared with influencers, the official said,” Reuters’ White House correspondent Jeff Mason reports, copied verbatim here to not mince the wording of the non-denial coupled with the pretty fucking daring assertion that the infamous February dancing incident’s materials included such a limited hangout.

That Potemkin disclosure – in which the influencers were made to look like complete assholes by the White House for walking out with reams of already public info – was a shitshow in MAGA world and it set up the powder keg that’s exploding on Team Orange right now. Cannot be certain right now if that specific detail is true or not. Maybe it is, but if not holy fuck this would be an indicator of like Chernobyl-level desperation. Telling a reporter “we gave our dipshit Twitter influencers documents conceding that Trump’s name appears in multiple government files on Jeffrey Epstein” while hoping that DC Draino, Scott Presler, that Libs of TikTok shitbag, and the other ones who were there that day to play along with it months AFTER they got played would be… entertaining to say the least.