“If Iran surrenders, admits their Navy is gone and resting at the bottom of the sea, and their Air Force is no longer with us, and if their entire Military walks out of Tehran, weapons dropped and hands held high, each shouting ‘I surrender, I surrender’ while wildly waving the representative White Flag, and if their entire remaining Leadership signs all necessary ‘Documents of Surrender,’ and admit their defeat to the great power and force of the magnificent USA, The Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media, will headline that Iran had a Masterful and Brilliant Victory over The United States of America, it wasn’t even close. The Dumacrats and Media have totally lost their way. They have gone absolutely CRAZY!!!” posted the President of the United States on Monday, using his signature, unconventional messaging style to lob rhetorical grenades at the mainstream media’s Iran coverage.

Ahem. The fat bastard’s whole counterfactual sketch here is actually a useful framework that can be applied to other grievances more within his control, such as his physical and mental health. For example, last month Philippines President Ferdinand “BongBong” Marcos decided to address questions about his situation by simply doing jumping jacks and jogging in place in full view of reporters. Trump could do the same – or at least try. On the mental side, same thing. Why not just take the fucking cognitive test on live television on a special game show-like set with Ilhan Omar, AOC, Hakeem Jeffries and everyone else he’s called “low IQ”? If he wins, then the “Failing New York Times, The China Street Journal (WSJ!), Corrupt and now Irrelevant CNN, and all other members of the Fake News Media” will be forced to report on his stunning victory over his adversaries.

Some advisers close to President Donald Trump are increasingly concerned that last week's summit with Chinese President Xi Jinping could embolden Beijing to move against Taiwan within the next five years. https://t.co/XgfgUC3sbw

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) May 18, 2026

A new New York Times/Siena College national survey finds Democrats leading Republicans 50 to 49 percent on the generic congressional ballot, a number exceeded in its ugliness for the MAGA party by convicted felon President Trump’s second-term low job approval rating of 37 percent.

“Dry and windy conditions will produce dangerous fire weather conditions across the southern High Plains into the Southwest. Severe storms, including very large hail, strong tornadoes, and winds, are expected from the Great Lakes into the central/southern Plains. Heavy late-season snow and cold temperatures are expected in the northern to central Rockies. Heat is spreading across the eastern US,” say the toplines to a National Weather Service advisory bulletin issued Monday.

Convicted felon President Trump’s overall job approval rating is now at 37 percent to 63 percent disapprove in this month’s CBS News/YouGov national survey, the lowest of his second term and propped up really only by an 85 to 15 percent approve/disapprove among self-identified Republican respondents. His approval on handling inflation, as in the very thing that got him elected again back in 2024, is down to 27 percent and only at 63 percent among GOP respondents.

Republican Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy’s career came to an end on Saturday night as the Trump-endorsed Congresswoman Julia Letlow and state Treasurer John Fleming boxed the unfortunate Quisling out of the runoff in a three-way primary, National Zero projects based on current returns.

“Is anyone interested in running against Weak Minded Lauren Boebert in Colorado’s Fourth Congressional District? You remember Lauren moved to the District when it became obvious that she couldn’t win in her original Congressional District (The Third!) — A Carpetbagger, indeed! Boebert is campaigning for the Worst ‘Republican’ Congressman in the History of our Country, Thomas Massie, of the Great Commonwealth of Kentucky, and anybody who can be that dumb deserves a good Primary fight! Even though I long ago endorsed Boebert, if the right person came along, it would be my Honor to withdraw that Endorsement, and endorse a good and proper alternative. Just let me know, or announce your Candidacy, and I will be there for you!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday

A mission to recover the dead bodies of four Italians who drowned in an underwater cave off the Maldives ended in death for a diver from the small Indian Ocean archipelago nation’s military on Saturday, the AP reports with details that will probably just kind of piss you off even more.

The death toll is actually now six as the body of one of the five Italians, diving instructor Gianluca Benedetti, was recovered near the entrance of the cave on Friday. The other four were , University of Genoa ecology Professor Monica Montefalcone and her daughter Giorgia Sommacal, marine biologist Federico Gualtieri, and researcher Muriel Oddenino. Montefalcone and Oddenio were conducting climate change research in the Maldives and had contracted with a tour operator running a larger diving excursion. However the deadly dive to a cave 160 ft below the surface near the Vaavu Atoll was neither okayed with the tour operator nor part of the research itinerary.

Italian-based Albatros Top Boat said any dive of more than about 100 ft requires special permission from the Maldivian government and they wouldn’t have even bothered trying to file the paperwork if the five had asked, especially into a fucking cave at that depth. Yet they went on their own, letting the ocean have the last word, not even having the courtesy to email someone, anyone first just to say please don’t risk anyone else’s life trying to recover the fish food we leave behind.

“Senator Bill Cassidy of Louisiana is a disloyal disaster. His entire past campaign for the Senate was about ‘TRUMP,’ how he’s with me all the way, and then, after winning, he turned around and voted to IMPEACH me for something that has now proven to be total ‘bullshit!’ He knew that at the time, but didn’t care. Bill Cassidy is a sleazebag, a terrible guy, who is BAD FOR LOUISIANA. Now he’s going to get CLOBBERED, hopefully, in today’s BIG election, by two great people!! VOTE TODAY FOR JULIA L.”

“She Is a winner who will NEVER let you down. I LOVE LOUISIANA, won it all three times, and got the most votes in its history, by far (A record!!!), despite its big time and ‘storied,’ political past. THE ELECTION IS TODAY – please get out and VOTE!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday as Cassidy faces his ignominious end for having accidentally done the right thing once back in 2021 before returning to the dark side four years later. Cassidy is probably – though not 100 percent definitely – screwed. Letlow’s kind of a douchebag artificially propped up by fat Donald and, as Trump mentioned with the “two great people,” it’s a three-way election so there’s a path where the MAGA vote gets split between Letlow and state Treasurer John Fleming… which then leads to a June 27 runoff if none of them gets a majority. That might be considerably tougher for Cassidy.

Also note the fat fucking idiot confusing “voted to IMPEACH” with what Cassidy actually did, which was vote to convict Trump at the Senate trial. The House votes on articles of impeachment.

The bloated caesar was unmoved by the suffering of his people under the gas price spike that his moronic and feckless actions in attacking Iran but not finishing the job caused.

The US Supreme Court on Friday did Republicans another solid on the gerrymandering wars and turned away Virginia Dems’ bid to have Los Supremos overrule the state Supreme Court.

So yeah it’s over… For this year. As previously stated here the GOP may have weaseled their way out of any consequences in the Old Dominion State this year, but next year will be different since the Dem-majority state legislature picks a replacement for one of the MAGA justices in January.

For some unfathomable fucking reason that will not even be linked here, not even the upstream source because doing so would potentially dignify the rationale, Dem Colorado Governor Jared “Pussy” Polis tells said outlet that he is commuting the sentence of notorious MAGA scumbag Tina Peters and she will be released soon. What a fucking worm, capitulating to Trump like that.

US cyber officials tell CNN that they suspect Iranian hackers have breached into systems that monitor the amount of fuel in storage tanks serving gas stations in multiple states, opening the door to (further) messing with the supply chains and potentially compromising safety as false readings on the gauges could also allow a gas leak to go undetected, though that relies on an actual leak.

Still, you’d think for a crew that screamed until their vocal chords were ragged and dry over a malfunctioning Chinese balloon three years ago that such a hack would be a pretty big deal.

In a Tuesday press release the Manatee County, Florida Sheriff’s Office announced they’re “actively investigating vandalism that occurred at the Old Memphis Cemetery. Deputies located 17 damaged gravesites. The damages ranged from broken and knocked down headstones, spray painted gravesites, and damaged concrete on graves. Detectives believe the incident occurred within the past few weeks. No arrests have been made at this time and the investigation continues.”

Then in a Wednesday update the office added that “during the investigation, detectives have located evidence that indicates at least some of the gravesites were damaged and defaced with spray paint on or before March 2026. At this time there is no indication that any remains were removed from the gravesites. This investigation remains active and ongoing.” At neither point did the law enforcement agency disclose the nature of the graffiti, raising the question of why it’s on local station WFLA to report that the graves were spraypainted with “Trump” and “DeSantis” in red.

No, it would not have gone over well at all in the deeply red county if the sheriff’s office were to have written “racist graffiti” in the press release, only for the station to report that it was the names of their favorite president and governor. Even if the department themselves are no doubt hardcore MAGA who don’t actually consider it a hate crime they would still have described it as such if it had been the N-word and other slurs painted on the gravestones. If anything the fact that it likely took at least two months for the vandalism to be noticed kind of points in the opposite direction as WFLA describes the cemetery as having been declared full in 1977 and handed over to the county in 1988.

DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin joined ICE officers on the ground in Virginia during an early morning operation that resulted in the arrest of a repeat criminal illegal alien previously removed multiple times from the United States.

Mullin said the suspect’s record included drug… pic.twitter.com/FxFX6eZDQs

— Fox News (@FoxNews) May 15, 2026

He probably should have retired anyway given that he’s 77 and had been faced with the emergence of a primary bid by standout state Representative Justin Pearson but it was last week’s draconian gerrymander that ended his Memphis-area district that led 10-term Dem Congressman Steve Cohen to announce on Friday he’s pulling the plug on his reelection bid, Fox News reports.

The Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services, “Admiral” Dr Brian Christine, led a press conference last week on the hantavirus where he told the public there was little to no danger from the bug that struck passengers stuck on a cruise ship in the Atlantic last month.

Christine was right: Hantavirus is no COVID and barring a rapid and drastic mutation it simply isn’t anywhere near as transmissible as the upper respiratory bug that turned the world upside-down in 2020. Still, CNN’s KFile has some questions about Christine after having done some research into the Alabama-native urologist who specializes in penile implants and, you guessed it, is a far-right forced-birther freak who specializes in COVID vaccine and 2020 election conspiracy theories.

Christine also once hosted a YouTube show called “Erection Connection,” a professional YouTube series on erectile dysfunction for fellow urologists. So continuing on the topic of 2010s Leonardo DiCaprio memes, is calling the conspiracy shit the “you had my curiosity” part and the penile implant thing the “but now you have my attention” an accurate template for convicted felon President Trump’s thought process when he hired Christine last year? Yes, that question was rhetorical.

Happy Friday 🍸 pic.twitter.com/MIGVeTcM99

— RNC Election Integrity (@RNCVoteProtect) May 15, 2026

It doesn’t show up on the above embed but on Twitter proper there’s a little “Made with AI” asterisk under the image, a still from the 2013 version of The Great Gatsby. It probably took them longer to prompt Grok to add the text to the time-honored meme image than it would have to simply type and set the text in Photoshop, so shave a few point off the larger achievement, which is notable.

You do have to give the un-Photoshop-trained Zoomers on the team some credit for actually citing a real, plausible use case for being carded rather than just saying and then doubling down on stupid shit like Auditioning Attorney General Todd Blanche’s inane “showing ID to vote is like showing ID when you go into a restaurant,” from earlier this month. That dumbassery itself was a shout out as well as a slightly less deranged version of convicted felon President Trump’s longtime dedication to undermining the purportedly dire seriousness of the policy objective by saying variously that Americans need to show ID to buy a “loaf of bread,” “a box of cereal,” and just “groceries.”

Really the only issues with the tweet from the “Election Integrity” propaganda squad are the aforementioned laziness on the part of the non-Photoshop-trained zoomers slapping this together, the invocation of “Bottomless Brunch” on a Friday since “Happy Hour” would’ve been more appropriate (or it could’ve waited until Saturday or Sunday when such brunch specials are actually offered), and the implied mockery of a weekend ritual favored by urbane liberal constituencies at effete establishments that never actually bother to card patrons for their $35 bottomless mimosa specials. Oh and the whole thing about how Dems aren’t really resisting any voter ID requirement on “principle” anymore so much as holding onto it as a bargaining chip for when Republicans show a willingness to compromise on other national election legislation. Which will be never.

In a five second-long clip by clip guy Aaron Rupar that’s too brief to justify ripping and putting up on YouTube, Energy Suckretary Chris Wright on Friday told CNBC that something something “…now our oil goes out of the Gulf of Mexico we’ll see more of that going over to China.” Emphasis added on the non-official name for the body of water bounded by five US states totaling 1,700 miles of coastline, northwestern Cuba, and six Mexican states totaling 1,400 miles of coastline. The name “Gulf of Mexico” first appeared on maps in 1550 and by 1672 became the most widely-internationally recognized usage for it when the Spanish Viceroyalty of Mexico was the dominant territorial arc.

The snippet of Wright’s bit separately appeared to be the fruit of a broader fuckup in the boast that American oil is now being sold to China. That’s not actually good for gas prices.