Obviously feeling more than a little stung by the MAGA base’s reaction to his somber admission that all evidence suggests Jeffrey Epstein really did kill himself in 2019, conspiracy podcaster-turned-FBI Assistant Director Dan Bongino on Monday announced that the bureau would be opening new investigations into the 2022 leak of the Dobbs Supreme Court ruling that overturned Roe V Wade and the time in 2023 when some dumbass left a small bag of cocaine in a coat check in the Biden White House, Reuters reports on Bongino’s panicked efforts to quell the outrage from his own team.

“Shortly after swearing in, the Director and I evaluated a number of cases of potential public corruption that, understandably, have garnered public interest. We made the decision to either re-open, or push additional resources and investigative attention, to these cases. These cases are the DC pipe bombing investigation, the cocaine discovery at the prior administration’s White House, and the leak of the Supreme Court Dobbs case. I receive requested briefings on these cases weekly and we are making progress. If you have any investigative tips on these matters that may assist us then please contact the FBI,” Bongino wrote in the middle of a lengthy tweet, adding “In response to feedback, both positive and negative, from our interview last week we will be releasing more information which will further clarify answers to some of the questions asked in the interview,” lol.

“I’ve had enuf of Putin killing innocent ppl. Pres Trump Take action AT LEAST SANCTIONS,” twted nonagenarian Iowa Sntr Chuck Grassly on Mnday morn / Grassly obvs sick of Ukrain civizens dieing bc Putin attax thm w/ bmbings n drones explding in citys. SANCTIONS gd, wepons fr Ukrain bettr.

Is yet another deal with the deadly terrorist regime Iran about to be announced?https://t.co/MYu5BYe1NA

— Mark R. Levin (@marklevinshow) May 26, 2025

Knowing that they may not be able to trust a US Marshall Service operated by the MAGAfied Justice Department, a number of federal judges this spring began considering the idea of standing up and managing their own armed security service, the Wall Street Journal reports.

The idea is not wholly without precedent as the US Supreme Court’s police department – which protects the Supreme Court building and the nine justices – operates wholly under the Judicial Branch and reports to the Chief Justice. The problem however is politics and it may be difficult if not impossible to take the vital function of protecting judges away from the executive branch since it would take Congress agreeing to remove a cudgel available to Trump. Then there’s the question of whether such a move would allow the Marshall’s Service to conduct contempt arrests without it going through the Justice Department, almost certainly a non-starter in an era when the Trump Regime’s lackeys regularly defy court orders not to deport certain individuals.

“I’ve always had a very good relationship with Vladimir Putin of Russia, but something has happened to him. He has gone absolutely CRAZY! He is needlessly killing a lot of people, and I’m not just talking about soldiers. Missiles and drones are being shot into Cities in Ukraine, for no reason whatsoever. I’ve always said that he wants ALL of Ukraine, not just a piece of it, and maybe that’s proving to be right, but if he does, it will lead to the downfall of Russia! Likewise, President Zelenskyy is doing his Country no favors by talking the way he does. Everything out of his mouth causes problems, I don’t like it, and it better stop. This is a War that would never have started if I were President. This is Zelenskyy’s, Putin’s, and Biden’s War, not ‘Trump’s,’ I am only helping to put out the big and ugly fires, that have been started through Gross Incompetence and Hatred,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, still kind of both-sidesing it.

Convicted felon President Trump on Sunday posted he’ll be delaying the 50 percent tariffs on European exports he abruptly announced on Friday morning and then later that day said there was nothing the Euros could do short of relocating their manufacturers to the United States to stop it from happening, the Wall Street Journal reports on the fat, capricious bastard’s resoluteness.

You already know what happened to this schmuck. Without even knowing his name or anything else about him, you figured it out just by the headline. But as they say, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. “If I could vote, I would have voted for Trump,” says Eliexer Marquez Duany, aka El Funky, in an interview with Politico, adding “He’s the strongest president when it comes to Cuba.”

El Funky has less than 30 days to leave the US or it’s off to Cuba where the anti-communist rapper likely faces imprisonment and neither the convicted felon president nor his Florida-born Cuban-American anti-communist Secretary of State seem to care. The silence from Marco Rubio is particularly jarring, per Politico, as in his previous job he introed the “Patria y Vida Act,” which stood for “Protecting Against Tyrants by Restoring Internet Access and Yielding Vital Interconnectivity in Designated Areas” in 2023. That may actually be the most clever and impressive backronym bill name in American legislative history. Most of them are pretty fucking stupid and lame.

“Patria y Vida,” is the name of a hit 2021 single by Descemer Bueno, Gente De Zona, and Yotuel, on which El Funky was featured as a contributor. And yeah, it was all about freeing Cuba from communism and so on. Not that it matters to the Trump Regime, who earlier this month denied El Funky’s residency application under the 1966 Cuban Adjustment Act for who knows what fucking reason. The only Republican trying to stick up for him is Miami-area Congresswoman Maria Elvia Salazar who said “El Funky is a political refugee who deserves the full protection of US immigration law. We are working with the USCIS to ensure they understand the serious risk of torture and political persecution he faces if returned to Cuba,” but who knows if that’ll end up mattering.

Speaker Mike Johnson continued looking like a fucking fraud on Sunday morning, telling CBS’s Marg Brennan that Goldman Sachs is full of shit when the say the tariff dumbassery will offset any gains in economic growth to be found in the “Big Beautiful Bill.” Later in the interview, in not so many words, Johnson said his home state of Louisiana, run by hardcore MAGA Governor Jeff Landry, was not properly conducting vetting of SNAP recipients to root out the alleged widespread fraud.

Top officials from the Trump Regime Justice Department’s Federal Bureau of Prisons last week visited Alcatraz to see what they can make of the crumbling tourist attraction that was last used for carceral purposes in 1963, the San Francisco Chronicle reports, citing comments made Thursday at a public forum by Golden Gate National Recreation Area superintendent David Smith.

“I have been in discussion with folks from the Bureau of Prisons,” said Smith, whose independent board oversees the area’s federally-owned and operated parklands. “They have been out here, they’ll be coming out again to do assessments of the structure.” Smith’s pretty skeptical that the convicted felon president’s batshit stupid commands to convert Alcatraz back into a prison would come to fruition. “I don’t think this is likely in our future.” he said, citing the “amount of money that would be necessary” plus the “amount of legal hurdles that will stand in the way,” and that it’s “just not well-situated” for the Bureau of Prisons. This as if the fat fucking baby actually cares and doesn’t simply want the “symbolism” of Alcatraz to help him carry that fake imprimatur of “Law and Order” far more than he would ever care about such trifling practicalities… If even remembers it.

Trump hasn’t actually signed any executive order regarding Alcatraz since his stupid May 4th post.

Hahahahaha! That Donald Trump, making a joke out of being too freaking cheap to pay for guard dogs to chase vicious, ornery waterfowl off his golf courses, resulting in a hapless rich asshole getting his dick chomped on by the monster on one of the putting greens.

Earlier the fat fuck continued his Maoist crusade against Harvard, posting “Why isn’t Harvard saying that almost 31 percent of their students are from FOREIGN LANDS, and yet those countries, some not at all friendly to the United States, pay NOTHING toward their student’s education, nor do they ever intend to. Nobody told us that! We want to know who those foreign students are, a reasonable request since we give Harvard BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, but Harvard isn’t exactly forthcoming. We want those names and countries. Harvard has $52,000,000, use it, and stop asking for the Federal Government to continue GRANTING money to you!” intent seizing full control of the university.

Commenting on about how a shaving waiver was crucial to his career as an Airman and “an identifier of solidarity with other Black GIs,” 70 year-old veteran Ed Anderson tells NBC News that the recent removal of such carveouts for Black male Marines he doesn’t “see this as a productive and effective means of retaining and recruiting troops,” adding “It’s mostly soldiers of color who are impacted.”

Now, NBC’s reporting is a little fuzzy (pun intended) so best copy it verbatim: “A new US Marine Corps grooming policy that affects people with curly or coarse hair is drawing ire from critics who say it targets Black men. The guidance, issued in March, states that a diagnosis of pseudofolliculitis barbae, or PFB, a skin condition more commonly known as razor bumps or ingrown hairs, could lead to a service member’s expulsion from the branch if the issue persists. The US Air Force also updated its guidance on PFB earlier this year, saying shaving waivers will expire 90 days after an airman’s next annual health assessment. But the requirements for those who may still qualify for a waiver remain unclear.” Which Ed Anderson says is just as yet another example of “ongoing attacks” on whatever white nationalist alcoholic Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth says is “DEI” policy.

Dermatologists agree. “This is so targeted and intentional,” said North Carolina skin doctor Chris Adigun, adding PFB “can affect only the way hair follicles appear and does not affect the body systemically in any way.” An active duty military dermatologist, remaining anonymous for fear of purges, said the “readiness” argument Hegseth’s minions are pushing over a minor skin condition is bullshit, and has “nothing to do with readiness… On its face it’s a racist policy, because this is a condition that impacts African Americans and other people of color predominantly just by the nature of hair growth on the face,” the dermatologist said, adding it also “creates a huge administrative burden on a patient,” with paperwork and appointments to have their skin examined.

Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson on Sunday had it both ways about convicted felon President Trump’s brazen, flagrant acts of corruption with his stupid $TRUMP shitcoin investor dinner – after which some chode told Fortune Magazine he’d been served “Walmart steak” and that “the only good part” of the food was “the bread and the butter.” First it was by saying there’s an “important distinction” between Hunter Biden and the fat fuck because “the Biden crime family earned that title” while “President Trump does everything out in the open… he isn’t trying hide anything,” then it was “Look, I don’t know anything about the dinner. I was a little busy this past week, so I’m not going to comment on something I haven’t even heard about.” Very Schrodinger-y.

That was after Johnson claimed there were a shit ton of people in his home state defrauding Medicaid and warned Republican senators against making significant changes to the Big Beautiful Bill as passed by the House: “It’s best not to meddle with it too much.”

Now-former FEMA Acting Administrator Cameron Hamilton, who was officially canned the day after his May 7th testimony in which he told a House Appropriations subcommittee he did “not believe it is in the best interests of the American people to eliminate the Federal Emergency Management Agency,” had actually already had his security clearance revoked and his desk cleaned out prior to sitting for the afternoon hearing, Reuters reports, noting that the new revelation do not track with the White House’s earlier statements that Hamilton had been tossed because of the testimony.

Why the White House thought that was somehow a more politically tenable version of what specifically had prompted the guy’s firing – either way Hamilton was a dead man for being too pro-FEMA – is not clear. “Cameron wasn’t fired for his testimony at that congressional committee hearing. He knew well in advance,” friend Matt Strickland told Reuters. “This is lazy gossip,” a DHS spokesperson said in response to questions about Hamilton’s firing, adding that he’s (supposedly) still actually employed by the Trump Administration, now as a “senior advisor” at the Department of Education, his job apparently focused “on school safety issues and foreign influence on university campuses.” At another major federal agency the Trump Regime is trying to dismantle.

Louisiana 19th Judicial District Judge Tiffany Foxworth-Roberts on Friday admitted to a judicial misconduct court that she did in fact lie about her military service record on the campaign trail, that she had never set foot in Iraq or Afghanistan, nor did she achieve the rank of captain, WAFB reports on a case that as some readers know is becoming something of an obsession given the potential, theoretical implications of elected officials being punished for misrepresentations of their military record to voters, which could (possibly) open the door to broader prohibitions of lying to voters.

Foxworth-Roberts tearfully told the commission panel she takes “full ownership and accountability” for her actions during the lengthy hearing in a New Orleans courtroom. The state Judiciary Commission will render a decision in 30 days on whether to recommend her removal, after which the state Supreme Court will make the final determination on Foxworth-Roberts’s judgeship.

Twitter is almost completely fucked on Saturday morning, Reuters reports, citing DownDetector complaints coming in by the thousands. It’s not clear what the excuse will be, that it was a Ukrainian hacker attack (again) or if George Soros and the WEF are funding it like they funded all those libs throwing molotov cocktails and Tesla cars and dealerships. Should be interesting.

Convicted felon President Trump, aka the “Fertilization President” and the “Father of IVF” on Monday missed a self-imposed 90-day deadline for his scumbag minions to come up with a set of policy recommendations for “protecting IVF access and aggressively reducing out-of-pocket and health plan costs for IVF treatment,” falling far short of his campaign promises to make the procedure either paid for by the government or coverable by insurance providers but he couldn’t even fucking get that done, NBC News reports, opening their story with a military wife who’d been eagerly awaiting it.

“Hearing presidential candidates and the president talking about IVF – those things weren’t happening five years ago or 10 years ago. I’m trying to be hopefully optimistic, but there definitely is that side of me that is skeptical of what is to come,” said Julie Eshelman, who went through five miscarriages and spent $80,000 before finally welcoming a baby girl in 2016. Now she wants to try again but is waiting on the fat fuck to do something, anything, to make it easier. “It’s been a financial burden, but it’s one that we would do over and over again so that we can have our family.”

“As exciting as the executive order was… it doesn’t have any actual actions in it,” said TJ Farnsworth, president of trade group Fertility Providers Alliance and the founder of a chain of fertility clinics, yeah, no shit. Farnsworth says he handed the Trump regime a road map of what to do. Obviously he has interest in a future where taxpayers cover his fees, but this is about whether the Orange Messiah can cash a check he wrote on the campaign trail. He can’t. “We brought to the table a fairly broad set of ideas,” said Farnsworth, even just the basic first step of expanding IVF access within the military for people like Eshelman, something Trump can order. And there’s been nothing.

Whoa. An actual movie about politics and an election that can be embedded here. It’s not the greatest comedy of all time but it is more than serviceable as a 1990s PG-13 laugh-fest.

The Trump Regime has begun the widespread use of polygraph tests across multiple offices and agencies in an effort to flush out those leaking to the media, Reuters reports on what was once thought to be confined to the Department of Homeland Security has been implemented in at least the Departments Justice and Defense, and possibly the Office of Personnel Management as well.

Speaking to Reuters, but on the record, Krazy Karoline said “President Trump has made it clear he will not tolerate federal government employees leaking to the fake news media,” adding “This is common sense” if to assert that the news sourced from leaks is fake but people also need to be fired for it is just such simple wisdom that everyone should possess, so don’t overthink it.

“Government employees who spend their time leaking to the media instead of doing the job American taxpayers expect should be held accountable,” Karoline continued, as if realizing how fucking stupid her previous assertion was and corrected it with something more comprehensible.

You probably seriously could post this headline and the link on some MAGA website and get at least a few upvotes before one of them replies and says “Oh very funny, libtard. GTFO you Marxist queer!”