An old, but apt fable:

A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of…

— Senator John Cornyn (@JohnCornyn) May 29, 2026

Continued Cornhole as he mourned his own political death at the hands of Lord Donald: “The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of the river. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: ‘I am sorry, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s my character.'”

The condition of four climbers who fell off Alaska’s Mount Denali – which the AP calls “McKinley” in their article because apparently they bitched out after having defied the Orange God Emperor on the Gulf of Mexico – are “unknown” according to National Park Service officials who are set to launch a search and rescue mission as soon as the weather permits them to fly a helicopter safely at the roughly 18,600 ft height the climbers plummeted from North America’s tallest mountain.

Yup. Nobody knows the condition of the climbers after they fell off a cliff three miles above sea level in the middle of a raging snowstorm more than 24 hours ago. Complete mystery as to how they might be doing after having suffered such a terrible calamity in an extremely hostile environment.

Convicted felon President Trump’s insistence on that batshit stupid and corrupt $1.776 billion “anti-weaponization” slush fund appears likely to doom any effort for another party-line reconciliation bill to follow up on the Big Beautiful piece of shit from last year, Punchbowl News reports.

Senate Republicans were trying to pass along party lines a $70 billion ICE and CBP funding package but too many in the chamber are either demanding some kind of “guardrails” to the fund or to simply nix it altogether because it’s fucking insane for Trump to try to pull this shit in a midterm year. Then there’s the Democrats’ agency in the “vote-a-rama” process that exposes the GOP to a shit ton of up-or-down votes on whatever amendments the Dems want to intro, ones requiring the Republicans to go on record about the fund and really whatever other suffering they want to inflict.

All of this means the likelihood of a total collapse of any legislation is increasingly likely.

Breaking: Justice Department denies E. Jean Carroll perjury investigation https://t.co/6JJeZbHL4k

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) May 29, 2026

Lol at the “Breaking” this fucking clown added to the headline, like the denial was something that just had to get out to his audience to reassure them that their Orange Messiah’s regime isn’t going after his rape accuser, just the people that bankrolled the legal fees for her two winning lawsuits against him for raping and then defaming her. What their actual crime was supposed to have been is unclear to those who would only read it from Solomon’s content mill. Likely deliberately.

“In light of widespread reporting and intense media and public interest in the E Jean Carroll matter in New York, the Chicago US Attorney’s Office can confirm that it has not opened – and has never opened – a criminal investigation into Carroll. Any claim to the contrary is categorically false,” the story quotes Regime US Attorney Andrew Boutros’s office, which then leads into a strangely triumphant “The New York Times, which cited anonymous sources in its initial report on the alleged probe, acknowledged Boutros’ denial and said sources have since told it that Hoffman’s nonprofit, American Future Republic — and not Carroll — is currently the subject of the criminal inquiry.”

Meaning Solomon’s lame propaganda outlet is spiking the football that the New York Times “acknowledged” Boutros’s denial and thus somehow stuck it to its libtard subscribers by disabusing their preconceived notion that Trump’s team would prosecute the woman still waiting to collect a sum $90 million in judgments from one of the fat fuck’s donors or maybe the Qataris, who the hell knows who’s going to step up and pay it for him, he sure as shit isn’t going to write the check.

Not content to have spilled enough blood, Israeli dictator Benjamin Netanyahu on Thursday announced a new initiative to have the IDF seize control of 70 percent of Gaza, Sky News reports.

None should expect convicted felon President Trump to subtract it from the wars he’s “settled,” however, since that running total was made up in his own head in the first place.

God it is so fucking on-brand that the infamous duo were even considered for a Trump Regime show but yeah, 7 News DC’s Scott Thurman reports Milli Vanilli, the lip synching assclowns who were a dated joke 30 years ago, have backed out of the “Great American State Fair” concert series on the National Mall as part of the “America 250” celebrations in DC over the next few weeks.

Morris Day and Young MC have also backed out. Poison’s Brett Michaels (or, wait was Michaels in Motley Crue? Who gives a shit) and Vanilla Ice are still billed. Of fucking course they picked Vanilla Ice because how the hell else are the fanboys going to fap without “ICE, ICE baby”?

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime on Thursday said a slightly different version of the same shit they’ve been saying for almost three months now in that they’ve reached some kind of peace deal with Iran and this one’s tentative, lasting 60 days, something something, CBS News reports.

Meaning it’ll take like a day, day and half tops for the fat bastard to scream that he’ll wipe out every elementary school in the country because they didn’t say thank you to him or something.

NEW AD: Ken Paxton just released a pedophile back on our streets.

Adam Hoffman abused a little boy for 3 years. He should have faced life in prison — but Ken Paxton and his wealthy lawyer friends let Hoffman off the hook.

Ken Paxton’s corruption is hurting Texas. pic.twitter.com/GwxlewCFpO

— Team Talarico (@TeamTalaricoHQ) May 28, 2026

Cups of “feet juice” – as in Everclear mixed with Kool-Aid dispensed from the bottom spigot of a cooler in which an attractive young woman dressed as a sexually provocative Japanese cartoon character immersed her bare feet – sold pretty well at “ParkCon,” an unofficial breakout session thrown in a public park adjacent to the San Jose, California venue in which “FanimeCon” was held last weekend, the San Francisco Chronicle reports on the highlights of a local cultural event.

The feet juice sold for as much as $15 a cup. Several of the men reportedly paid $20 for what were presumably smaller quantities as they consumed it directly from a trickle off the models’ feet.

Yeah. It was a big hit. Lots of anime fans were there and drank it instead of beer or whiskey…

No. No, the city’s health department didn’t approve this and obviously it was a violation of every code in the book but you know economic informalities and everything… Oh. That’s not the part you were concerned over. Oh come on, don’t be so morose. Some people are just weird and these things happen sometimes. Most of them probably regret it already… Okay, yeah maybe you kind of have a point. Just try not to let this bother you so much. It’s an isolated incident. Yes, sure “for now.” Okay.

North Korea-brained dipshits US Treasurer Brandon Beach and his senior advisor Mike Brown are trying extra hard to break federal law and mint a $250 bill with convicted felon President Trump’s glowering visage on it, the Washington Post reports while mentioning repeatedly that it is against federal law to put the likeness of a living person on US currency. The proscription dates back to 1866 when some asshole mid-level Treasury official had his face put on a 5 cent note.

It’s not clear if simply ignoring the law and issuing the $250 bill – which by the way is a process that’s supposed to take years of quality control and development procedures, especially for what would be the largest denomination currently in circulation – itself makes the notes worthless. Wouldn’t be that much different from the other “money” bearing Trump’s likeness, but guess it depends on which banks and retailers will accept them. Kind of hard to imagine a Walmart cashier would unquestioningly accept the bill as payment for a shopping cart that cost closer to $205 before the fat fuck lied his way back into office solely to avoid prison and create all these idolatrous monuments to his glory. Oh and enrich himself in any and every way imaginable. That too.

“I say we get it over with. I say we go in there, we go in hard, and we make them come to the table.”

— Georgia @RepMcCormick shared his frustration over ongoing negotiations with Iran@E_D_Hill @JosephPinion pic.twitter.com/6l0L96KDtw

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) May 28, 2026

Personal consumption expenditures hit 3.3 percent annualized in April according to the Bureau of Economic Analysis, which also revised Q1 2026 GDP growth down from 2.0 to 1.6 percent.

While “hottest” is subjective, that sure as shit doesn’t seem all that “hot” for growth.

MAGA pollster Rasmussen has fucked something up in their normally skewed weighting and found Democrats leading Republicans 47 to 41 on the generic congressional ballot, which is almost as bad a sign for the GOP as Emerson College finding Dems up 50 to 41 in this morning’s monthly tracker.

The reliably pro-GOP-masquerading-as-mainstream college pollster also found convicted felon President Trump’s approval rating at 39 percent, the lowest of his second term and just above his all-time low of 38 percent found in January 2018, back when things were A-OK economically.

DOJ anti-fraud chief Colin McDonald says taxpayer fraud should feel as personal as someone stealing directly from you. pic.twitter.com/fVXUwI7tEL

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) May 28, 2026

During his “checkup” at Walter Reed earlier this week, convicted felon President Trump met with troops convalescing from wounds suffered on the job but for unclear reasons did not personally see any of the 14 injured by Iranian action in the Middle East since his late February attack, CBS reports.

Sources inside convicted felon President Trump’s regime tell CNN that federal prosecutors launched a criminal investigation of EJ Carroll, the woman who twice successfully sued the fat fuck for raping her and then defaming her over the public rape accusation, is under a criminal investigation for supposedly perjuring herself when asked in a 2022 deposition if her legal team had received any outside funding as later on it turned out that LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman had bankrolled her case. Whether Carroll had actually lied was later deemed immaterial by trial Judge Lewis Kaplan as it does not appear to have been true at the time Carroll was actually asked.

But that won’t stop the fat fuck from trying his damndest to seek revenge on the woman whose first $5 million sexual abuse judgment seems vanishingly unlikely to be taken up by the Supreme Court in Trump’s appeal and he hasn’t even petitioned them on the second, $83 million defamation judgment yet. And by all means let him get a grand jury to indict her. Let’s see how that goes with independent voters who were more inclined to ignore the judgment when eggs were expensive. They should totally be cool with it now that gas is significantly more expensive these days, right?

Yeah, they put it in a zoo, Sky News reports, citing Bangladeshi officials.

GOP donor class newsletter Axios reports that Senate Majority Leader John Thune on Wednesday had a “productive” phone call with Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, seeking to bury the hatchet after months of withering attacks against the far right scumbag.

“Jeffrey Epstein attended Interlochen Arts Camp in the summer of 1967. He was a donor to Interlochen Center for the Arts from 1990 to 2003. In 2009, when Interlochen learned of his first criminal conviction (from 2008), the administration conducted an internal review of our records, removed any recognition of Epstein as a donor from our campus (this included renaming the Green Lake Lodge), and, importantly, cut all ties with him. When Epstein was arrested again in 2019, Interlochen conducted a second internal review. Both reviews found no reports of misconduct at Interlochen involving Epstein in our records,” says a statement from the Michigan summer camp that was issued this week. The word “at” is doing a lot of work there because of what they say next.

“While the internal reviews focused on whether any concerns had been reported or known to Interlochen, we are aware of information that has emerged publicly by two individuals who shared that they met Epstein through Interlochen in the 1990s. We have invited the individuals who may have been impacted by Epstein to speak with an independent investigator as part of an external investigation into reports of historical misconduct at Interlochen Arts Academy. We have fully cooperated with requests from government agencies, and many of the files recently released by the US Department of Justice were documents we previously provided to the authorities.”

“The Interlochen Board of Trustees has approved a plan to raze Green Lake Lodge. The lodge has, over time, come to carry associations that are not reflective of who we are as an institution or the values we strive to uphold. After careful consideration, the Board determined that removing this structure in a safe and timely manner is the right step for Interlochen at this time,” the statement continued, not really explaining the whole logic of having denamed it seven years ago but now they need to demolish it. At the very least why not have the biggest “bonfire” in camp history.