Disgraced former President Trump’s attorneys haven’t been able to find the classified US military wargaming document planning for a potential attack on Iran that the fat bastard is heard describing in mid-2021 audio obtained by Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s team, CNN reports.

Smith’s team issued a subpoena for the document in mid-March, sources say, adding it was made crystal clear Smith wanted that specific file after having learned of it via aide Margo Martin’s testimony to the grand jury and reviewing the audio of the interview with Mark Meadows’ ghost writers – where the twice-impeached loser admitted he never declassified it while still in office.

Let’s not jump to conclusions here and say that Trump definitely still has at least one classified document in his possession. It’s quite possible it’s safe and secure in Riyadh or Jerusalem and he made a few bucks giving the Netanyahu and/or Bonesaw regimes an edge over Iran.

Fat former President Trump on Friday reacted to the news that his former near-lynching victim Mike Pence was cleared by Justice Department prosecutors for accidentally taking a small number of classified documents from his time as Vice President. The timing on Pence’s justified and expected reprieve is just downright superb as his orange former boss likely faces indictment any day now on his brazen and knowing theft of top secret intel files from the White House and subsequent defiance of a lawful subpoena for their return. Trump’s plaintive “What about me?” is simply perfect as is the contradictory assertion that one former Vice President’s case is a “hoax” while the other former Vice President’s is “1850 boxes” in “Chinatown.” The only difference between Biden and Pence is that Biden was stuck with an ongoing special counsel investigation in an overcorrect “fairness” move, which is probably why it’s taking longer to come to the same conclusion as Pence.

FBI personnel will bring the stupid Rudy “Biden bribery” FD-1023 tip form to Capitol and allow House Oversight Hayseed James Comer and ranking member Jamie Raskin to view it in a SCIF facility within the next few days, CNN reports on what will probably not really be the ending of Comer’s push to hold Director Chris Wray in contempt for fucking off on the subpoena for the years-old document that originated with Rudy Giuliani and not even Bill Barr took seriously.

Spandex-wearing grapple freak Jim Jordan on Friday sent a letter to Attorney General Merrick Garland demanding information about the use of FBI resources in Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith’s investigation into disgraced former President Trump over his theft of documents from the White House and failed post-2020 election coup attempt.

Naturally Jordan capitalizes on the otherwise useless-for-his-purposes Durham Report as his opening, writing that the it “details how the FBI abused its law-enforcement authorities to achieve a political end that is, hamstring the campaign and presidency of President Trump” before listing off MAGA bullshit talking points, leading into “due to the FBI’s documented political bias, the Justice Department must ensure any ongoing investigations are not poisoned by this same politicization. We therefore request that you provide the following information.. Provide information about the use of FBI personnel by Special Counsel Jack Smith, including but not limited to the following… The total number of FBI employees assigned to work on the investigation… whether any FBI employees who have worked on Special Counsel Smith’s investigation previously worked on any other matters concerning President Trump… Explain whether Special Counsel Smith’s investigation relies on any information or material gathered exclusively by the FBI prior the Special Counsel’s appointment.”

That last one is the rub. Of course Smith is fucking working with evidence obtained by the FBI prior to his appointment. It’s not like Jack Smith has his own mini-federal law enforcement agency that raided Mar-a-Lago again on their own after he was appointed in November 2022. And, while we can’t be 100 percent certain this is definitely happening now, we can draw upon public reporting from the Mueller Investigation (like the 2017 FBI raid on Paul Manafort’s house), to feel confident that Smith probably also has bureau agents working in the field at his direction too.

So yeah, we can conclude that this weasely ballsucker Jordan is once again terrified his Orange Allah is about to be indicted and once again is trying to run desperate, last-minute interference like he did just before Trump was charged over the Stormy Daniels payoffs in Manhattan.

When we say “disappointing,” we mean disappointing to them because any good news for the American economy while Joe Biden is in the White House is bad news for MAGA world, especially after a potential economic catastrophe was averted this week in Congress. Between Bartiromo lamenting that the 339,000 US jobs added in May – over an expected 195,000 – would “likely trigger Joe Biden to take a victory lap,” and Joe Concha ever so slightly hinting at some sort of vast conspiracy to lowball expectations in the forecasts, saying “the jobs count has now beaten estimates in 14 of the last 17 months… It is amazing how people keep getting the estimate wrong” with an angry, incredulous smirk, and some other dickhead trying to find the tarnished lining with “inflation still eating at real wages,” this very political-ish “business news” update is a keeper.

Later on Friday morning Bartiromo appeared on main Fox News to speak to the report, mostly easing up on her butthurt, saying “This is a good report. No doubt about it,” and that the new jobs created were mostly higher paying, white collar positions. Still, she had to “what I don’t like about this report is that unemployment is rising. The unemployment rate is now up to 3.7 percent” from 3.4 percent previously, so at least Batshit Barty was able to salvage some kind of “win” from it.

A new tracking poll finding showing the reich-y Alternative for Germany Party’s support roughly tied with Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s Social Democrats at 18 percent has the Social Dems and other centrist parties’ schnitzels shaking over fears of a far right resurgence, the AP reports.

“This is a disaster and should be understood as an alarm signal for all parties of the center,” said Christian Democrat party lawmaker Norbert Roettgen about the DeutschlandTrend survey’s May 30-31 result. Roettgen’s own party pulled in 25 percent, but with the Alt Nazis’ support tying for the highest in the tracking poll’s history, and nearly double their 10.3 percent showing in the 2021 elections, any new momentum the anti-immigrant far right fanboys show is cause for concern, especially with forecasters saying they have a strong shot in three statewide elections next year.

“The [Alternative for Germany] is at 18 percent. People, wake the hell up!” tweeted Social Dem former Berlin state Civic Secretary Sawsan Chebli. German domestic intel chief Thomas Haldenwang, leader of the BfV (Germany’s FBI) last month warned of the “astonishing parallels” between the current situation and Germany in the 1930s as the extremists surge. The BfV have opened multiple investigations into the Alternatives’ ties to far right and even QAnon extremists.

The DeSantis campaign is planning an all out “family values” offensive, trotting out wife Casey on stage in Iowa to tell sappy, likely embellished, stories about their pro-Jesus credentials to sell hardcore Evangelicals, and create a contrast with rapey degenerate former President Trump’s decided lack of personal Christian virtue, NBC News reports from the trail in the Cornhole State.

“Clearly, that is an opening for us with evangelicals. It’s authentic. You can’t fake your family. You can’t fake your commitment to your children and your wife. Once they see it’s authentic, that’s definitely a contrast. Who as a Republican thought we’d be defending payoffs to porn stars?” a DeSantis campaign strategist told NBC. Sources on Mickey Maoist’s team are betting that with an estimated 65 percent of Iowa GOP Caucus voters identifying as Evangelical, they’re sick of the “sick of the sexualized drama from a man also under investigation for classified documents seized from his sprawling Florida estate, Mar-a-Lago.” These DeSantis guys probably never saw that video of those MAGAchurch pastors speaking in tongues to call on God to intervene against Trump getting indicted in Manhattan. Wasn’t the first time they tried that to get Donald out of a jam either.

California activist crowdfunding his move out of San Francisco’s ‘zombie apocalypse’ https://t.co/Xtt5xqIhAP

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 2, 2023

Our long national nightmare of tedious, repetitive political news coverage of the debt ceiling bill negotiations and all that shit is now really 100 percent finally over until early 2025, as the Senate on Thursday night officially passed HR 3746 by a margin of 63 to 36. The bill now heads to President Biden’s desk for signature. Will update shortly with the yes/no breakdowns by each party.

So were you one of the CIA there on J6 helping organize the little plan? https://t.co/nZdOxJAJ01

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) June 2, 2023

Sometimes you wonder if Marge can get any dumber. The conspiracy-minded Republican three-toed sloth thinks this Hunter S. Thompson account is real, AND she thinks the CIA was in on planning January 6th.  This is who’s supposedly running the House GOP as Speaker pro tem Kevin McCarthy’s “muscle.”

What a deft move here, not addressing Hannity’s question and saying Biden had hidden 1,850 boxes in “Chinatown” before changing that number to “seven or eight boxes in Chinatown in Washington, DC where nobody even speaks English in Chinatown. Chinatown is very – it’s in favor of China.” Went nicely with the Fox News audience. Will probably work even better in a federal criminal court.

A new Yahoo News/YouGov survey finds President Joe Biden leading disgraced former President Trump 48 to 41 percent in the 2024 election. The survey also found the Orange Warlord leading rival Ron DeSantis 53 to 25 percent among likely Republican primary voters.

A recent US Air Force simulation of an artificially intelligent drone operation went pretty well if you’re rooting for the machines to take over, as the AI pretty much immediately perceived its human operator and his/her ability to override the drone as a threat to its ability to carry out its mission, so it turned around and killed the operator, according to a blog post detailing summit of the British Royal Aeronautical Society which featured a presentation by Air Force Colonel Tucker Hamilton.

“We were training it in simulation to identify and target a Surface-to-air missile (SAM) threat. And then the operator would say yes, kill that threat. The system started realizing that while they did identify the threat at times the human operator would tell it not to kill that threat, but it got its points by killing that threat. So what did it do? It killed the operator. It killed the operator because that person was keeping it from accomplishing its objective,” said Hamilton, the Air Force’s Chief of Artificial Intelligence Test and Operations. We guess the easy answer is to award it points for obeying orders rather than just for pew-pewing the bad guys. That would work, right?

Six people from Pennsylvania, three men and three males under 18, face hundreds of criminal charges for poaching hundreds of deer in Franklin County between August 2022 and January 2023, typically leaving the corpses to rot where they were killed, whether on the roadside or the front yard of homes, CBS News reports.

After scores of deer carcasses were found around the county, a citizen gave police the description of a vehicle seen spotlighting deer at night after the 11:00 cut-off and from which a shot took down a deer.  Pennsylvania State Game Warden Philip Bietsch saw a vehicle matching the description at a local gas station and then staked out a spot where many dead deer were found.  Later that night, he heard multiple rifle shots and then saw the vehicle from the gas station leave the area.  Stopping the vehicle, Bietsch found the occupants with a spotlight, a .22-Magnum rifle, and dozens of rounds of ammunition.

At his sentencing in front of DC Circuit Judge Amit Mehta on Thursday, top-level Oath Keeper Ed Vallejo begged for home confinement instead of prison following his conviction on a charge of seditious conspiracy for the MAGA terrorist group’s involvement in the January 6th insurrection.

“I would rather be incarcerated at home for the rest of my natural life than spend a year or even a month in prison as a burden to [my wife] and my family,” Vallejo said through tears, imploring for mercy from the Obama appointed federal jurist. Mehta considered Vallejo’s pleas and…

After President Joe Biden appeared to trip over a cord at the Air Force Academy, conservatives cackled celebratorily as they have new fuel to air again and again.  But in this case, the White House won’t issue numerous statements detailing how steep the ramp was, nor will the President repeatedly comment about how slippery and wet the stage was.  You know, like the last guy’s administration after he slowly shuffled down a ramp at West Point.

Legally blind idiot former computer repair shop owner John Paul Mac Isaac sat for a deposition with Hunter Biden’s lawyers on Wednesday in Hunter’s lawsuit against the tam-o-shanter wearing assclown for handing the data Mac Isaac claims he got from the infamous laptop and then turned over to friends of Steve Bannon, who gave it to Rudy and pals, sources tell Axios.

The lawsuit is based not on possession the laptop itself, which Hunter Biden has not acknowledged is his and which has been in FBI custody since at least December 2019.  Biden instead is suing based on Mac Isaac distributing copies of the personal information and files–including financial documents, personal photos and communications–Mac Isaac took off one of three computers he claims was dropped off at his repair shop in a strip mall in Wilmington.  Mac Isaac has said he would not be able to identify the person who dropped off the computers.

The difference between distributing the laptop and the information on the laptop is a key distinction:  Biden is suing under the idea that while he’s not asserting ownership of the laptops, he’s confirming some information on the laptop was his, possibly setting up a claim that his files were hacked and used to make the laptop’s more inflammatory contents seem legit by combining them with different, non-authentic files and circulated.

First off, China is believed to execute thousands of convicts a year, and drug trafficking is a capital offense, it’s been that way for decades. Second, really try to imagine the implications of the shit Trump is saying here. If he had evidence that Biden got the ChiComs to renege on a deal to prevent fentanyl exports then wouldn’t that be quite possibly the biggest scandal in the history of right wing media? Wouldn’t this have been round-the-clock coverage on Fox News, Breitbart, Newsmax, and all the rest from day one in 2021? How the fuck is something that should be a very, very, very big story in the MAGAverse just casually mentioned in one of these bullshit “Agenda 47” videos?

It’s one thing for the fat bastard to lie to his fans about the “rigged election” because that galvanizes them to feel victimized and treat Biden as illegitimate. What the hell kind of similar purpose could this lie ever serve now, at this point going on three years later? The cynical Trump fanboys who admit he’s full of shit always say there’s some “greater truth” behind the lies. They knew, for example, the “free crack pipes” story was bullshit but they loved it because it was the kind of lie that resonates with low-info voters who don’t know any better. So how does this half-assed allegation of an apocalyptic scandal do the same? Is admitting he failed to reveal this “truth” really going to do anything whatsoever to help move the ball down the field against Biden and the Democrats in 2024?

DC Circuit Judge Amit Mehta on Thursday sentenced top-level Oath Keepers member Roberto Minuta to 4.5 years in prison following his conviction on the seditious conspiracy charge for his involvement in the January 6th, 2021 MAGA insurrection at the US Capitol, Reuters reports.

The real life version of Stand by Me detailed in a Detroit News story titled “Ann Arbor police warn against jumping into river from bridges after emergency train stop” was not nearly as colorful as would be described by one of the four young protagonists’ future selves in Richard Dreyfuss’s voice.

First off, the Amtrak train actually stopped on Wednesday and the engineer got out to yell at the boys for being on the rail bridge over the Huron River – how the hell the train actually stopped isn’t clear – which quickly turned into a physical confrontation with the boys (described as “young men” in the story) shoving the engineer. The boys then yelled something about seeing a drowned or drowning body in the river as they ran away, but a search by rescue personnel turned up nothing.

And that’s it. There was no movie-within-a-movie about Lardass winning the pie-eating contest, a confrontation with Ace Merill and his gang of greasers, or lamenting how Chris had turned his life around and gotten a law degree before getting his throat slashed at a McDonald’s. There are no larger lessons about life to draw from this, except the Ann Arbor Police reminding locals to stay off the train tracks at all times even if you think Ray Brower’s body is out there somewhere.