One of the eight (?) wars convicted felon President Trump claims to have ended with his sheer singular charm and wit seems like it could flare up again as Pakistan Defense Minister Khawaja Asif on Thursday warned that the “chances of war with India are real” after 11 soldiers were killed in an attack by terrorists who Islamabad claims are bankrolled by New Delhi, the Telegraph reports.

Thing is that the attack on a convoy in the country’s northwestern Orakzai District happened closer to the border with Afghanistan than India. And it was 19 fighters from the Tehreek-e-Taliban militia who were found dead after the raging gun battle. And that it was the Pakistani government who created the Afghan Taliban, Tehreek-e-Taliban, Lakshar-e-Taiba, and a whole shit ton of militant Islamist organizations to fight as proxies against India in the disputed Kashmir region.

But go ahead and blame the neighbor for all the mice that escaped from your cage and bred.

This definitely could have gone worse for the Speaker of the House. Like really, really bad, like significantly way worse than it did. People don’t see it from the other side when they say “well, that could have gone better,” to remark after something went badly. Giving equal consideration to how a certain media appearance of whatever other situation could have actually gone worse is important because it both puts things in perspective and allows one to retain a sense of optimism even if it’s one that exists only relative to a hypothetically more catastrophically bad outcome.

“Earlier this week, the Supreme Court declined to consider Ghislaine Maxwell’s appeal of her federal conviction for her role in recruiting and grooming minor girls for sexual abuse by Jeffrey Epstein and others. Pursuant to the subpoena previously issued to Maxwell by the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, and in an effort to expeditiously continue the investigation into Jeffrey Epstein and his co-conspirators, I urge you to immediately schedule Maxwell’s deposition with the Committee,” writes top House Oversight Dem Robert Garcia in a letter to Chairbilly James Comer.

Before you trot out all the (often very fair) quips about “strongly-worded letters” keep in mind that it was Garcia who quarterbacked the effort to obtain and then immediately publicize convicted felon President Trump’s “enigma” birthday card to his now-dead best buddy. Whatever Garcia did to get around Comer or whether he even really had to get around him on that specific win getting that letter should be a hint not to underestimate the California Dem’s tenacity and vigor.

“Norway is bracing for the aftermath of the Nobel Peace Prize announcement on Friday as the Nordic nation has faced increasing pressure from Donald Trump and his administration to award it to the US leader,” is an actual fucking sentence in the lede of Bloomberg’s Thursday morning story headlined “Norway on Edge Over Trump Ahead of Nobel Peace Prize Verdict,” as though it were 1940 and Vidkun Quisling was teasing a “special announcement” about the country’s defense.

They were definitely “on edge” back then. And this is not to mock Bloomberg’s reporting, just the fact that such language is an apparently necessary and accurate description of the situation there as, per their article, there are worries of an “economic and diplomatic fallout” coming in less than 24 hours when the Peace Prize laureate – who is in almost no conceivable scenario is named Donald Trump – is announced. “Even so, there is growing indication that pressure has been, if anything, counterproductive,” Bloomberg writes, adding that the foreign minister at least twice went out of his way to say that the Norwegian government has no say in the Nobel committee’s decisions.

Not that such piddling details will matter to the MAGA Reich and its Fuhrer. Oslo obviously recognizes this and are trying to figure out how Trump losing would factor into ongoing trade negotiations with the US to lower the 15 percent tariff and the 40 percent of Norway’s $2 trillion sovereign wealth fund tied up in American assets, all of them potential targets of the toddler’s wrath.

Hahahahaha! Get it? Turning point? Anyway, rustic chic lumbersexual fascist Matt Walsh on Wednesday confessed he was surprised to find out that far more deranged extremist influencer Candace Owens was not just making shit up when she claimed that, just days before his death, Saint Charles the Martyred had written in a group text some very Ilhan Omar-ish things about Israel and Jewish-Americans. In fact one of Kirk’s top lieutenants Andrew Kolvet on Tuesday – with a lot of self-serving qualifiers – literally confirmed the texts were genuine during a livestream.

“Just lost another huge Jewish donor. $2 million a year because we won’t cancel Tucker, I’m thinking of inviting Candace [Owens],” Kirk wrote, referring to some upcoming event in which Tucker was on the billing. Hilariously the part about inviting Owens was what Walsh said had seemed too “on the nose” for him initially. Can’t really fault him for it when she was the one propagating the texts.

“Ugghhh,” someone wrote in response before Kirk continued with “Jewish donors play into all the be bullied like this. stereotypes. I cannot and will not [trails off]” and then finally “Leaving me no choice but to leave the pro Israel cause,” like he didn’t already see the way the wind has been blowing.

Adding to the mess is the fact that the texts made their way to Owens not from a source in TPUSA but either directly or intermediately from someone in federal law enforcement. Kolvet explained that, in the hours after Kirk was fatally shot and Keystone K$H was fucking up the investigation, the top people in TPUSA were handing anything and everything over to the FBI as potential leads to follow.

Republicans in Missouri are worried that Democrats are on track to collect the petition signatures required to get a referendum on the ballot that would kill their gerrymandering effort to erase Congressman Emanuel Cleaver’s Kansas City district, Punchbowl News reports.

Even just submitting 110,000 valid signatures by mid-December – like in every state, the canvassers need to exceed the quota by a sizable margin because thousands are going to get rejected, so in Missouri the Dems will want to get closer to 200,000 – will automatically freeze the redraw for 2026 and Cleaver will be reelected. The ballot measure won’t be voted on until August or November.

Outlining some friction the MAGA Reich is facing in the Indiana state Senate in the effort to kill off one or both of the state’s blue districts and the likely doomed campaign against California’s retaliatory proposition, Punchbowl writes “The roadblocks in Indiana and Missouri are compounded by mounting fears that Republicans will not be able to block Democrats’ redistricting ballot measure in California,” naturally without commenting on the fact that none of this would be necessary if Republicans believed they could defend their majority on the strength of their policies alone.

Or at least a “caravan” coming up through Mexico and ads about how Zohran Mamdani will bring socialist Sharia Law to rural Arklatucky if you don’t reelect Congressman Jefferson Davis McPervert.

“TRUMP’S TOWERING ACHIEVEMENT: President Trump is in a celebratory mood this morning after brokering a landmark peace deal in Gaza. It’s early days, but expectations are sky high after Israel and Hamas agreed to the first part of a deal that will see all remaining Israeli hostages released from Gaza in return for a pullback of Israeli troops. It looks like a historic moment for the Middle East – and yes, a personal triumph for the US president. After months of touting himself as the world’s greatest peace broker, Trump is on the verge of something remarkable,” writes Politico Playbook in Thursday morning’s edition under that manages to be excessively slobbersome even by their standards, under the headline of “The art of the (peace) deal.” Bet they stayed up all night coming up with that one.

The sickening slurping sounds grow even louder and the tempo higher toward the bottom of the very lengthy section “And with perfect timing … It’s Nobel Peace Prize day tomorrow. Unfortunately for Trump, the five-strong panel of Norwegian judges likely made up their minds some weeks back.”

“But next year’s award? Honestly, who knows,” Playbook continues and hang on, it gets even better.

Ukrainian sumo wrestler Danilo Yavhushyshyn has been kicking serious ass against the top talent in Japan’s national sport, recently defeating Mongolian-born Hoshoryu, one of the circuit’s two Yokozuna – which loosely translates to “grand master” – and is gunning for the other, the AP reports.

Citing higher labor costs and ongoing upgrades, Disney on Wednesday announced a price hike on entrance fees to its two US theme parks, Disney World in Florida and Disneyland in California, Fox Business News reports on something that would’ve been blamed Joe Biden if he were still president.

“Disney Parks offer a full day of experiences each day, with ticket, hotel, and dining options designed to suit a wide range of budgets for all who visit. Our commitment to creating magical experiences for everyone remains at the heart of what we do – and that will never change,” Disney suits told Fox in an email confirming that Disneyland’s Tier 6 one-day ticket, used on the busiest, highest-demand days, rose $18 to $224 per adult – up 126 percent over the past decade. A top-tier Disney World ticket jumped from $199 to $209 while parking fees went up $5 at both parks.

The megacorporation did however throw fans a bone in the form of expanding the number of low-priority days when the cheapest tickets are available, from 15 to 38. Those tickets are still $104 each for adults and still this would have been blamed on “Bidenflation” if he were still president.

“I am very proud to announce that Israel and Hamas have both signed off on the first Phase of our Peace Plan. This means that ALL of the Hostages will be released very soon, and Israel will withdraw their Troops to an agreed upon line as the first steps toward a Strong, Durable, and Everlasting Peace. All Parties will be treated fairly! This is a GREAT Day for the Arab and Muslim World, Israel, all surrounding Nations, and the United States of America, and we thank the mediators from Qatar, Egypt, and Turkey, who worked with us to make this Historic and Unprecedented Event happen.”

“BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday.

“On Friday morning, President Trump will visit Walter Reed Medical Center for a planned meeting and remarks with the troops. While there, President Trump will stop by for his routine yearly check up. He will then return to the White House. President Trump is considering going to the Middle East shortly thereafter,” says a press release from Krazy Karoline. Trump last had a yearly checkup on April 11th.

Jewish space laser lady Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene tells CNN that she’s still not effing around on the Obamacare insurance subsidy shitshow, declaring “Everyone’s just getting destroyed.”

“Look, Democrats, you created this mess. Republicans, you have no solutions. You haven’t come up with a new plan, and we’re not even talking about it, and it is hurting so many people,” Greene continued, adding that Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson needs to get the House back open immediately. “Any serious speaker is going to build consensus within his conference behind a plan. It’s not something secret that gets worked on in a committee. This cliff is coming for millions of Americans where their premiums are about to skyrocket, so put your money where your mouth is.”

“I think the politics are terrible. I don’t think anyone is sitting at home going, ‘Oh, this is great. The Republicans and Democrats have the government shut down, and they’re not discussing anything to fix it.’ Democrats are saying, ‘Continue to grow the debt with ACA tax credits’, and Republicans are just… calling it a Schumer shutdown, so I don’t think anybody is winning here, and I think it’s failure, and I personally don’t like it,” Greene said and damn that’s gotta sting. Wrong kind of bothsiding.

A new Public Policy Polling survey of New Jersey voters finds Dem Congresswoman Mikie Sherrill leading 2021 GOP loser Jack Ciattarelli 49 to 43 percent in the gubernatorial race.

Singaporean penal officials hanged another guy Wednesday, this time it was someone’s diamorphine guy, who was arrested in 2014 for smuggling the stuff, the South China Morning Post reports.

The guy, Malaysian Pannir Selvam Pranthaman, 38, was the ninth drugs guy executed in the city-state this year. Singapore doesn’t really like guys, no matter what kind of stuff they have.

An exhibition match between Puerto Rico and Argentina’s soccer teams scheduled for Monday in Chicago was moved to Fort Lauderdale because of convicted felon President Trump’s assault on the Windy City, the AP reports on the real-life economic effect’s of the fat fuck’s misrule.

As expected, whichever MAGA Congresstwat standing in for Speaker Mike Johnson on Wednesday gaveled the House in and out immediately within like seconds as Dems shouted to swear in Arizona Congresswoman-Elect Adelita Grijalva after she was elected more than two weeks ago.

'SUFFERING DEMENTIA': Pritzker makes claim about Trump despite once defending Biden's mental fitness pic.twitter.com/WVgcNl1O6i

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 8, 2025

Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson walked into Dem Arizona Senators Ruben Gallego and Mark Kelly’s mini-press conference in the Capitol to walk back on his Tuesday statement that Congresswoman-Elect Adelita Grijalva can be sworn in “whenever she wants” to when the government is reopened, Semafor’s Burgess Everett reports. Sur-fucking-prise on that and the part where Johnson said it had “nothing to do with Epstein,” as in Grijalva being the 218th signatory on Republican Congressman Thomas Massie’s discharge petition to force the Epstein files vote.

Now I need to make a correction too: In yesterday’s article I had expressed some puzzlement over why Dems were making as big a deal out of the nexus to the discharge petition as they are, and thought this was simply political messaging. It’s not like forcing the Republicans on the record as voting against the compelled release of the files isn’t political messaging in itself because then it has to go to the Senate, but that’s an important win no matter what. Where I fucked off is not doing my research on how House discharge petitions work and what happens when Grijalva is sworn in and signs it: That actually is a point of no return. The discharge petition is officially entered into the Congressional record on the 218th signature and the vote becomes inevitable. Johnson can screw around and delay it through an array of other tricks, but that’ll push it back a few months at most.

Unless Crazy Nancy Mace and/or Lauren Boebert can be talked into backing out – Thomas Massie and Marjorie Taylor Greene obviously aren’t up for grabs – swearing in Grijalva is for Johnson like signing the discharge petition himself. Whether buying himself more time works has yet to be seen (and of course Boebert and Mace could just vote no) but he’s buying it by holding out.