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These updates are just going to keep being all over the place and hardly keeping up with all the bullshit the Orange God Emperor hath wrought, but yeah the American embassy in Kuwait has been hit with at least one Iranian projectile, the AP reports without any further detail.

“DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH TO SUPPORT MY ARGUMENT, LIB” is so friggin stale. Really thought MAGAmerica had gotten more “sophisticated” then this with their bullshit after 10 years.

There are a number of darkly absurd laughs to be found in both the details and the composition of a Sunday WBRE article about a 74 year-old Dalmatia, Pennsylvania man’s death this afternoon in “a crash that involved one car and one train,” phrased as though typically it requires more than the one Norfolk Southern hauler. There’s that and the mention that the unfortunate decedent wasn’t wearing a seatbelt when his Subaru Forester was t-boned by the likely fast moving locomotive which, by the way, it’s “unknown whether there [was] any damage” inflicted upon it, per the NBC affiliate station.

However those respective elements of the source report – the very genre of which is already often strong enough to stand up a National Zero article on its own, even down to the gratuitous factual gap on how much damage the train sustained during the grade crossing collision in the Keystone State’s central Northumberland County – simply cannot outshine the basis of the cheeky headline.

The man’s first name was Darwin. Friggin Darwin Whitmer is the guy who thought driving around the crossing gates was a good idea and there’d be no consequences for it. Holy freaking shit that is so goddamned on the nose it’s actually anti-humorous, like something Babylon Bee fans would heartily chuckle at even while the writers struggled to fit creationism into the “joke.” Really the only issue is the man’s age at 74, a deep dent in the whole “Darwin Awards” premise given that he’s either long ago passed on his genes or didn’t and was statistically unlikely to do so. That name though, lol.

Sunday’s a good day for oil and a bad day for stocks after convicted felon President Trump’s attack on Iran spiked the price of a barrel of black fossil goo up 8.65 percent to $72.77 and the Dow Jones Industrial Average futures down 534 to 48,462, CNBC reports on the MAGAnomic miracle.

After about five hours of complete silence on the matter – but not complete silence overall since his Truth Social feed has been peppered with screenshots of tweets of right wingers praising his State of the Union speech from five days ago – convicted felon President Trump on Sunday told the Daily Mail that up until now he and his minions have “done pretty well” avoiding getting American service members killed in action since his lie-fueled return to power over the United States.

“They’re great people. And, you know, we expect that to happen, unfortunately. Could happen continuous – it could happen again,” Trump said to a reporter, adding he expects the campaign to last four weeks. “It’s always been a four week process. We figured it will be four weeks or so. It’s always been about a four week process so – as strong as it is, it’s a big country, it’ll take four weeks.”

“Or less,” the 79 year-old commander-in-chief added at the end of his rambling to the reporter.

CENTCOM Update

TAMPA, Fla. – As of 9:30 am ET, March 1, three U.S. service members have been killed in action and five are seriously wounded as part of Operation Epic Fury.

Several others sustained minor shrapnel injuries and concussions — and are in the process of being…

— U.S. Central Command (@CENTCOM) March 1, 2026

CENTCOM just now announced that three American service members were killed and another five wounded so far under unclear circumstances and locations in the Middle East. Live updates below:

Former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a complete asshole widely disliked for his constant tirades on the international stage during his 2005 to 2013 term in office, was killed in a US or Israeli strike on Sunday, Fox News reports citing Iranian state media. It’s not clear yet if he was actually targeted or if he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, which would be funnier.

The Washington state Department of Licensing on Friday announced that their AI-automated phone system’s “Para Español, oprima numero dos” is now finally actual Español rather not English with a Castilian Spanish-sounding accent that would say “Your estimated wait time is less than ‘tres’ minutes” and similar absurdist nonsense to callers needing DMV services, the AP reports.

“DOL apologizes for the error and to its customers for any inconvenience,” the agency said in a statement just before the fix was confirmed. “An unfortunate byproduct of expanding services is that DOL found problems with the self-service option.” Officials admitted to the AP that home-state megacorporation Amazon was the culprit behind the ridiculousness. Reporters later replicated the voice testing out AWS’s AI product called Polly and selecting an option named “Lucia.”

🔴ELIMINATED: Abdolrahim Mousavi, the Iranian Chief of Staff of the armed forces.

Additionally, the IDF struck & eliminated 7 members of the top Iranian security leadership in Tehran and 40 senior commanders. pic.twitter.com/0a4wf3dk9N

— Israel Defense Forces (@IDF) March 1, 2026

“Khamenei, one of the most evil people in History, is dead. This is not only Justice for the people of Iran, but for all Great Americans, and those people from many Countries throughout the World, that have been killed or mutilated by Khamenei and his gang of bloodthirsty THUGS. He was unable to avoid our Intelligence and Highly Sophisticated Tracking Systems and, working closely with Israel, there was not a thing he, or the other leaders that have been killed along with him, could do. This is the single greatest chance for the Iranian people to take back their Country. We are hearing that many of their IRGC, Military, and other Security and Police Forces, no longer want to fight, and are looking for Immunity from us. As I said last night, ‘Now they can have Immunity, later they only get Death!’ Hopefully, the IRGC and Police will peacefully merge with the Iranian Patriots, and work together as a unit to bring back the Country to the Greatness it deserves. That process should soon be starting in that, not only the death of Khamenei but the Country has been, in only one day, very much destroyed and, even, obliterated. The heavy and pinpoint bombing, however, will continue, uninterrupted throughout the week or, as long as necessary to achieve our objective of PEACE THROUGHOUT THE MIDDLE EAST AND, INDEED, THE WORLD!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday

Israeli intel sources have confirmed that Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei is in a very warm place, CNN reports without any corroboration from Tehran’s side on the mean old bastard’s demise.

Now that Obama’s poll numbers are in tailspin – watch for him to launch a strike in Libya or Iran. He is desperate.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 9, 2012

There’s a “growing assessment” among the Israeli intel community that Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei was killed in an IDF airstrike on Saturday, according to Times of Israel military correspondent Emmanuel Fabian, though Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi told NBC News a short while ago that the 86 year-old tyrant is still alive – as far as Aragchi knew.

Numerous sources are reporting that convicted felon President Trump has canceled plans to address the nation live after his early Saturday attack on Iran after having told media he would do so. No reason was given for the cancelation, though it may’ve interfered with golf plans.

No War With Iran. Get our troops out of Iraq and Syria now. https://t.co/QYKPi38UXU #IranAttack #NoWarWithIran pic.twitter.com/PmE5EEJQCJ

— Tulsi Gabbard 🌺 (@TulsiGabbard) January 5, 2020

Convicted felon President Trump early Saturday told the Washington Post in a brief phone call that lasted mere seconds that “All I want is freedom for the people” as his justification for launching yet another massive not-so-surprise attack against Iran while most Americans were sleeping.

Convicted felon President Trump was more than a little pissed this week at his dipshit FBI Director K$H Patel’s awesome Winter Olympics trip to Milan and especially the post-Team USA men’s ice hockey win celebration – ripping into K$H for it directly in conversation, NBC News reports

Particularly irritating to Trump – a teetotaler – was K$H chugging a beer in the locker room and the whole using a taxpayer-funded private jet for the trip since ostentatious displays of waste, fraud, and abuse is the sole right and privilege of the bloated orange corpse of boss himself. And of course K$H inserting himself into a big win when Trump should’ve been there to insert himself instead.

Asked to comment on the matter, White House spokeswoman Abigail Jackson said “This is a direct result of the President’s law and order agenda which is being successfully implemented by his law and order team, including FBI Director Kash Patel,” like a malfunctioning bot. What the fuck does chugging a beer in a locker room have to do with “law and order”? This dipshit comms flack couldn’t even be bothered to inflate the importance of the spurious “official” shit K$H pretended to do while in Milan and then say that he’d taken some personal leisure time to watch the game? They could not dig up a single documented instance of Chris Wray or James Comey relaxing on a beach for an hour or two between meetings on an official trip to wherever? Fuck man, pay some tribute to virtue here.

Of note in this border town pre-primary day rally show: Texas Senator John Cornhole Cornyn, Picasso-faced corrupt sociopath Attorney General Ken Paxton, and Johnny-come-lately Congressman Wesley Hunt, all vying for their faces to be showered with the fat bastard’s golden glory and an endorsement in the race, are present… As is really fucking terrible human being Congressman Tony Gonzales since he prooobably isn’t welcome at home with his wife these days.

“THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL NEVER ALLOW A RADICAL LEFT, WOKE COMPANY TO DICTATE HOW OUR GREAT MILITARY FIGHTS AND WINS WARS! That decision belongs to YOUR COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, and the tremendous leaders I appoint to run our Military. The Leftwing nut jobs at Anthropic have made a DISASTROUS MISTAKE trying to STRONG-ARM the Department of War, and force them to obey their Terms of Service instead of our Constitution. Their selfishness is putting AMERICAN LIVES at risk, our Troops in danger, and our National Security in JEOPARDY.”

“Therefore, I am directing EVERY Federal Agency in the United States Government to IMMEDIATELY CEASE all use of Anthropic’s technology. We don’t need it, we don’t want it, and will not do business with them again! There will be a Six Month phase out period for Agencies like the Department of War who are using Anthropic’s products, at various levels. Anthropic better get their act together, and be helpful during this phase out period, or I will use the Full Power of the Presidency to make them comply, with major civil and criminal consequences to follow. WE will decide the fate of our Country, NOT some out-of-control, Radical Left AI company run by people who have no idea what the real World is all about,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, threatening private industry for not licking his tiny balls like Jeff Bezos and David Sacks and the rest of the tech world.