Since we started National Zero, we’ve put together probably – to the best of our recollection – at least five long retrospectives, all covering delimited periods since the 2020 election and its aftermath: The Fall of the Trump Regime: One Month Later, The Fall of the Trump Regime: Six Months Later, The Tulsa Disaster: One Year Later, Six months of Republicans wishing the Capitol riot never happened, Enter the Cancel-verse: Six months of insanely stupid grievances and bullshit conspiracies that went nowhere for MAGA Nation, plus a few pieces that were more essays than roundups (and some unfortunately aborted efforts). What they all had in common was that they were milestones in time that had passed since they happened, not the time period itself.

August 2022 was different. The calendar itself neatly contained an absolute fucking nightmare month for MAGA fascism in the United States. Nearly all of what happened was the culmination of threads that had been a long time coming beforehand and nearly all of them will continue twisting and turning long into the future afterward, but for whatever reason the fates decided to weave them together in a tapestry on which so much started going right for Democrats and wrong for the MAGA cult. We have no choice but to do our first ever month-in-a-month recap.

What follows is the month that was at National Zero in the dog days of Summer 2022 with the appropriate Florence + The Machine performance as your soundtrack:

Monday, August 1st, 2022

Capitol rioter Guy Reffitt sentenced to more than seven years in prison

US airstrike kills al Qaeda leader

Surprise! Arizona AG finds single dead person voted in 2020

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2022

Pelosi become first House Speaker in 25 years to visit Taiwan

Taco Bell Mexican Pizza back for good next month

Judge spikes Oath Keepers’ bid to delay seditious conspiracy trial

Pennsylvania Supreme Court tosses mail-in voting challenge

Senate passes veterans healthcare bill after GOP stall fails

Kansas forced birth ballot initiative fails

The “Real QAnon” in last place in Arizona 2nd District primary

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

In a completely unshocking development, Alex Jones admits the Sandy Hook massacre real because he wants to save his money

Senate approves Finland and Sweden for NATO

This continues to be a really Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day for Alex Jones, and we are loving every minute of it

Thursday, August 4th, 2022

Republican former Puerto Rico governor arrested by FBI

More than 41,000 Russians KIA in Ukraine: Kyiv estimate

Kansas Senator “shocked” at GOP’s abortion beatdown in his state

Feds charge four Louisville police in killing of Breonna Taylor

Surprise! Recount confirms MAGA County Clerk Tina Peters lost Colorado Republican Secretary of State primary election

Alex Jones ordered to pay $4.1 million in compensatory damages

Sinema caves to socialism

Friday, August 5th, 2022

Alex Jones hit with $45.2 million in punitive damages

Sunday, August 7th, 2022

Senate passes socialism bill

Biden lords triumphantly over vanquished foes

Michigan AG asks for special prosecutor to investigate MAGA opponent’s involvement in voting equipment tampering scheme

Monday, August 8th, 2022

Dems stall Javelin sale to Brazil over Bolsonaro election meltdown

Should’ve flushed “10, 15 times as opposed to once”

Biden sending more freedom hardware to Ukraine

Capitol riot committee obtains Alex Jones’s texts

So Biden's Deputy White House Press Secretary, @Andrewjbates46, is posting literal Nazi memes on Twitter and our corrupt media is completely silent about it.

I'm sure that if this was a Trump WH staffer, the media would treat it the exact same way and totally ignore it 🙄🙄🙄 https://t.co/FlgrWlVzNC

— Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) August 8, 2022

FBI agents raid Mar-a-Lago

Trump explodes with rage over FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago

Schadenfreude Week goes on: Tucker Carlson reportedly “shitting himself” about possibility texts to Alex Jones become public

Lawyer: Alex Jones sent photo of his naked wife to Roger Stone

MAGA Land erupts like a volcano of impotent rage over FBI raid

Tuesday, August 9th, 2022

More horror for fanboys: US average gas price under $4 per gallon

Biden signs CHIPS Act

Trump lawyer says Justice Department going after “most famous, most popular president in American history”

Judge orders Rudy to testify to Fulton grand jury

Loser Republican candidate for Michigan city council arrested on felony voter fraud charges over forged absentee ballot applications

FBI grabs MAGA coup plotter Congressman Scott Perry’s phone

Insufficiently MAGA Wisconsin State Speaker declares victory over Trump endorsed challenger in district race

Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

Dem overperforms in MN-1 special election loss

Bidenflation down big in July

Flailing Former Guy invokes Fifth Amendment in NY AG deposition

Commies 44 – Patriots 38 on generic ballot: Fake poll

Domino’s closes all franchises in Italy in move that’s only surprising because no one knew Domino’s tried selling its “pizza” in Italy

👀 The FBI is AGAIN sending undercover informants to target President Trump?

It’s the Crossfire Hurricane debacle, all over again.

This time, likely, at the behest of the Attorney General. https://t.co/f8FXr74qer

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) August 10, 2022

Trump’s defense for having classified documents doesn’t hold

Pennsylvania Republicans subpoenaed in MAGA coup probe

Trump invoked Fifth Amendment 440 times

Thursday, August 11th, 2022

Ukrainian saboteurs destroy Russian airbase in Crimea

Beto O’Rourke calls heckler “motherfucker” at town hall

Ohio MAGA terrorist neutralized, possibly canceled, after standoff

Frau Ingraham gets not exactly reassuring answer from OANN propagandist and sort of Trump lawyer about nuclear docs

Former Virginia cop sentenced to 7 years for January 6th attack

Friday, August 12th, 2022

MAGA House GOP cancels news conference on Mar-a-Lago raid

Orange Tyrant admits he took nuclear documents

“Well it depends on what your definition of ‘nuclear’ is”

“Obama did it too!”

Em-brace failure: Wisconsin GOP 2020 election “review” czar fired

National Archives confirms Obama got special treatment by following proper rules and procedure for obtaining documents

Warrant Release: “Miscellaneous Top Secret Documents” part of inventory on Trump documents found during Mar-a-Lago search

Kilmeade apologizes for twisted meme of warrant judge

Inflation Reduction Act passed by the House, 220 – 207

Southern Baptist Convention under federal criminal investigation

Economy contracts 4% during second quarter… in Russia

Trump’s lawyer told him she could make all his legal problems disappear if he would just not run for office, ’cause laws

Trump claims all documents that left White House were “automatically” declassified by “standing order”

Saturday, August 13th, 2022

“The FBI sucks!” is such a better Republican Midterms message than all that shit about inflation, gas prices, and the economy

Dallas-area monkeypox cases up 30% since CPAC

Texas child molester voids need for sentencing hearing by drinking poison after guilty verdict was read in court

Sunday, August 14th, 2022

Orange God Emperor complains the “whole World was watching” as FBI raided Mar-a-Lago “just before the Midterm Elections”

MAGA Land not particularly receptive to new GOP midterm pledge

First UN grain shipment departs Ukraine for Africa

Monday, August 15th, 2022

Ukrainian missiles cancel Wagner Group mercs

Federal judge tosses Lindsey’s attempt to weasel out of testifying

Rudy told he’s a target of criminal investigation in Georgia

NRSC slashes ad buys for Doc Oz, Lizard Man, and RonAnon

MAGA Pennsylvanian indicted for FBI death threats posted on Gab

Judge orders Trump’s Truth Social to produce employment records for CEO Devin Nunes in non-cow related defamation lawsuit

FBI rescues more than a hundred missing and sex trafficked minors while QAnon fans bitch and cry about FBI raiding Mar-a-Lago

The Ides of August

Ukraine claims it fought off more than a dozen Russian attacks

Tuesday, August 16th, 2022

Ukrainian saboteurs destroy Russian ammo dump in Crimea

Washington state primary turnout augurs well for Dems

Bidenflation slows down in Canada

MAGA dumbass racks up $120,000 in credit card debt to pay Kansas Secretary of State’s office for abortion referendum recount

Trump telling associates he believes Cincinnati FBI shooter was “false flag” attack designed to discredit him

NBA interferes in midterms by canceling games on Election Day

Biden signs Inflation Reduction Act into law

Mormon singles event attendee OK after 36 hours in park restroom

Team Kraken under criminal investigation in Georgia

Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

Rudy actually shows up to testify in Atlanta

Missouri MAGA terrorist indicted for threats to Arizona officials

Barnes 51 – RonAnon 44 in Wisconsin Senate race: poll

Justice Department subpoenas Trump White House docs

Thursday, August 18th, 2022

Trump Org CFO Allen Weaselberg pleads guilty

Cawthorn reports he’s $500,000 in debt after two-year term

Wisconsin judge lambasts state special counsel’s “contemptuous” probe into 2020 election fraud: “OSC accomplished nothing.”

Federal judge rules DeSantis’s Stop WOKE law unconstitutional

Dems lead in Fox News polls in Arizona and Wisconsin

Hogan calls Maryland GOP gov nominee “not mentally stable”

Ingraham teaches law school class to Trump lawyer on air

Friday, August 19th, 2022

Facebook, Instagram cancels RFK Jr’s anti-vax groups

Mar-a-Lago raid broadly popular with Americans: poll

Russian FSB agents were so confident about quick victory in Ukraine they started looking for office space in Kyiv

Saturday, August 20th, 2022

Ukrainian drone strikes headquarters of Russian Black Sea fleet

Horribly tragic “fuck around and find out” outcome in Russia

Monday, August 22nd, 2022

Surprise! Recount confirms Kansas abortion referendum win

Democratic Senate election committee outraises GOP counterpart for fourth straight month

Colorado state senator betrays America, becomes Democrat

South Dakota ethics board says Noem may have “engaged in misconduct” to assist her daughter getting real estate licence

Team Durham loses star fuckup two months before big trial

Trump sues America

McConnell: “Very little election fraud” in US elections system

John Solomon discloses that Trump had Special Access Program documents at Mar-a-Lago, asserted “executive privilege”

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022

Newest Biden “scandal” sucks

Kushner visibly annoyed at Fox host for asking why Trump stole so many classified docs instead of softballs about his stupid book

Brazilian cops raid Bolsonaro minions over coup plot

FBI arrests Republican former Tennessee House Speaker

Michigan MAGA terrorists guilty in Whitmer kidnap plot

Rick Scott vacationing in Italy

Fauci to Fox News audience: “Fuck your feelings”

Trump-linked Alabama Republican charged with sex abuse

Louisville police office pleads guilty to falsifying search warrant application that led to Breonna Taylor’s death by cop

Far-right Florida Trump supporter Sabatini loses primary

Laura Loomer didn’t lose her primary! It was stolen from her! It was! Really! It was hers until a dump of votes came in!

I’m never embarrassed to report facts. And I don’t really think I have to weigh the opinion of a lawyer who disrespectfully calls people “dude” and brags on his Twitter handle that he is “above the law” https://t.co/frKlEqbl30

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) August 24, 2022

Democrats take key New York bellwether district signaling the Big Red Wave they keep talking about now a ripple in a puddle

MAGA bro grudgingly concedes to swamp

QAnon fans go one for nine in Florida GOP district primaries

Wednesday, August 24th, 2022

Biden announces nearly $3 billion more in aid to Ukraine

QAdulteress says she was swatted early Wednesday

Last night, I was swatted just after 1 am.

I can’t express enough gratitude to my local law enforcement here in Rome, Floyd County.

More details to come.

— Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) August 24, 2022

Biden to cancel up to $10,000 in student loan debt

GATEGATE: The plot to rig Villages vote against Loomer revealed

Kansas MAGA activist now going door-to-door to try to find voter fraud in abortion ballot measure right wingers lost by a landslide

Dems 45 – GOP 39 on generic ballot: poll

National Archives pushed Trump to return records in May 2021; Cipollone agreed documents should be returned to government

Not all is well in the Fourth Reich

Pro wrestler shouts out to Biden, gets huge applause from crowd

Thursday, August 25th, 2022

Women voters lead surge in new registrations

Matt Gaetz still far from out of the sex trafficking woods: report

Orange Caligula seems kind of upset

Fetterman and Shapiro leading Dipshits #1 and #2 by double digits

Rome, Georgia police confirm QAdulteress swatted again

Putin orders increase in number of active-duty soldiers in military as Russians soldiers incur heavy casualties in Ukraine

Truth Social in financial disarray, $1.6 million behind in payments to hosting company

Fulton grand jury subpoenas Mark Meadows

White House goes on rampage against MAGA whiners over loans

Dark Brandon commands his thrall at fiery non-MAGA rally

Project Veritas directed the theft of Ashley Biden’s diary, Florida prosecutors allege in filings for thieves’ guilty pleas

California mandates all new cars to be zero emissions by 2035

Friday, August 26th, 2022

“Like it or not, Biden’s strategy for reducing gas prices is working”

Beijing Blake scrubs “pro-life” bullshit from campaign website

Wisconsin AG subpoenas MAGA absentee ballot “hacker” dipshit

Russian-Ukrainian con artist posing as a “Rothschild” infiltrated Mar-a-Lago in 2021, golfed with Trump and Lindsey Graham

THE MAR-A-LAGO FBI SEARCH AFTERDAVID IS HERE!

Moscow Mitch defunds Beijing Blake

Mar-a-Lago search warrant affidavit notes Trump had classified documents containing “human intel” in basement storage room

MAGAmerica stretched too thin to freak out over government dropping rabies vaccine pellets from helicopters across Eastern US

Saturday, August 27th, 2022

Trump is fucked for real this time

Truth Social merger partner warns of impending doom thanks to Trump’s legal woes, falling popularity

Another Trump lawyer subpoenaed for Georgia grand jury

All the talk about the deficit from the same folks that gave an unpaid-for $2 trillion tax cut to the wealthy and big corporations. It makes you laugh.

Under my Administration, the deficit is on track to come down by more than $1 trillion this year.

— President Biden (@POTUS) August 27, 2022

Sunday, August 28th, 2022

CBS downgrades House forecast to eight seat GOP majority

Republican Miami commissioner to surrender on corruption charge

House Intel Republican says no proof Trump declassified docs

Trump forgets to include why he’s supposedly innocent in rant

Kinzinger: January 6th Committee going down money trail

Monday, August 29th, 2022

Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel blatantly lies to Fox News audience as she tries to manage their expectations for a “Red Wave”

Loser demands to be declared winner, or to get another try at least

Ukrainians launch major offensive against Russian invaders

Proud Boy “at forefront of mob” on Jan 6th gets 55 months

Obese orange blob weighs heavily on result of Alaska contest

Russia gets first shipment of Iranian drones for Ukrainian battlefield, realizes you get what you pay for as many fail tests

Oranato resigning from Secret Service

New York Times headline generator algorithm goes haywire

Tuesday, August 30th, 2022

“There is enormous frustration”

Truth Social Android approval held up over pesky “violence” issue

RNC not paying Trump legal bills in Mar-a-Lago docs case

Novelization of “2000 Mules” delayed over error

Warlord of Democracy issues stark warning to enemies of justice

Judge tosses Gosar and Finchem defamation lawsuit against Dem

Cook downgrades House GOP gain forecast

State GOP could be destroyed if her phone records get turned over to January 6th Committee, Arizona Republican chair claims

Trump probably screwed himself by demanding special master because Justice Department response buries him

Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Eye-roll emoji used to downplay theft of top secret documents

Needlessly cruel Democrat PAC ad strongly implies man suffering from mental illness shouldn’t be allowed to have the job he wants

Trump has lost Peter Doocy, and Noem can’t deal with it

Dems 46% – GOP 38% on generic ballot

Trump now unlikely to launch 2024 run before midterms: report

Former FBI agent points out obvious thing: Trump would not have declassified documents because he wanted them to have value

Trump’s lawyers now suspects, witnesses to crimes

Tucker Carlson deposed in Dominion Voting defamation suit

Democrat Peltola wins Alaska House special election, bests Palin

Trump’s lawyers file crazy response to DOJ special master motion

Trump’s only plausible defense at this point is the complete incompetence of counsel, and he may have a legitimate case

Thursday, September 1st, 2022

Fuck, thank God that’s over and done with. As far as good news for Trump fanboys goes we have Liz Cheney lost her primary to that really scary looking librarian lady and uh… Well that’s about it. That’s pretty much the only thing they were legitimately happy about last month.

The first of the month is a GREAT day to support National Zero if you have the extra cash lying around. If not don’t donate because we don’t want it. Take care of yourselves. The rest of you cough it up if you have not done so recently and actually enjoy our content.